IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
Nowadays, the majority of
the
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apply
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food companies incorporate high content of
sugar
to
Change preposition
into
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 their product. There are some people making the general assertion that the production of food and beverage
products
 include
excessive
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an excessive
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 amount of
sugar
 that can lead to
the
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apply
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various issues
that
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apply
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related to health and the
price
 of sugary
products
 should be costly to reduce the consumption of
sugar
.
Although
 there are arguments on both sides, I completely agree
that
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apply
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with the given statement and will provide
further
 details to substantiate my arguments It is undeniable that nowadays, people
Correct your spelling
rely
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reply
Correct your spelling
rely
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 on
quick
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quickly
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 processed food for meals and snacks. These
products
 undoubtedly contain
huge
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a huge
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 proportion of
sugar
 .
Furthermore
, experts believe that
increase
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increased
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 consumption of
sugar
 is a major cause of obesity and many chronic
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
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such
 as diabetes and heart disease. To cite an example, in
American
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America
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, the rates of obesity rose significantly among adults. So the authorities should create
public
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a public
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campaign
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campaigns
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 and awareness
on
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of
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 the disadvantages of
this
 kind of
foods
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food
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.
Additionally
, by increasing the
price
 and tax of unhealthy snacks and drinks, the authorities can indirectly influence
on
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apply
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manufacturing
to
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of
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alternative
Add an article
the alternative
an alternative
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 healthy
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
. Increased
price
 tags will become a major problem for companies as it results in less profit.
For instance
, the Singapore government has recently increased
price
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the price
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 of sugary
products
.
Hence
,
the
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apply
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unhealthy
foods
 are being replaced by healthy
foods
such
 as fresh fruit juices. In conclusion, it is totally true that high consumption of
sugar
 added
products
 will definitely put the individual health at risk,
thus
, in order to avoid these disadvantages,
government
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a government
show examples
agency
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agencies
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 like FDA should release strictly laws & regulations that will benefit
for
Change preposition
apply
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the wellness of people and implement
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 tax on these
foods
.
Submitted by jesminehtet26 on

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