IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays.Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out ,while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human beings.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#species #world #people #countries #individuals #animals #beings
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In recent years,animal protection has become
an
Change the article
a
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 significant concerned issue.Public take different attitudes towards the increasing attention on wildlife conservation.Some
people
Use synonyms
 suggest that the fund should be redirected to helping other fields in
society
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,
such
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 as
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
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 poverty and
promote
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promoting
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 education
level
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levels
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.I agree with
this
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 idea that the investment
of
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in
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 wildlife protection is not worthwhile. Admittedly,
animals
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 as a key component of the whole food chain,have a crucial impact on the sustainability of an ecosystem.Every
Use synonyms
animals
Change to a genitive case
animal's
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 species play an important role in natural balance.
For instance
Linking Words
,the extinction of any species will lead to the growth or decline of other species.If the number of beneficial birds declines,the number of pests and mice will increase dramatically.
This
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 not only destroys the original ecological balance
,
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apply
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but
also
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 causes the loss of
crop
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crops
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,causing food shortages and economic loss.If
people
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 did not take any actions to protect wildlife as soon as possible,we
human
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humans
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 would be affected in the end.
However
Linking Words
,there are more urgent problems that we need to focus
in
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on in
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society
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 rather than protecting
animals
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.The main task of
society
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 is to improve
people
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`s living standards and reduce poverty.There are many
people
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 living under
poverty
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the poverty
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 line and suffering from the harvest and bad living
condition
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conditions
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.If the government can not support
people
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,it cannot protect
animals
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.
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
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Further more
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Furthermore
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,technology and education are
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 two aspects of government to concern.These two industries accelerate the development of
society
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,which can provide more advanced technology. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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animals
Use synonyms
is
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are
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 a significant part of
ecosystem
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the ecosystem
an ecosystem
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,it is better for government to invest more fund and resources in other social problems.
Submitted by onkly on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • cascading effects
  • economic impacts
  • ecosystem
  • endangered species
  • environmental conservation
  • human welfare
  • moral duty
  • preserve
  • sustainable practices
  • habitats
  • interconnected
  • extinction
  • advocates
  • opponents
  • priority
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