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Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more people today are moving away from where their friends and family live. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #friends #trend
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In recent years,an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 are migrating from their
closed
Replace the word
close
show examples
 ones. While
this
Linking Words
 trend offers multiple
professsional
Correct your spelling
professional
 growth opportunities to them,
however
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 on the downside it leads to
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
. I believe that the
positve
Correct your spelling
positive
 aspects take precedence over the drawbacks. On the one hand, one of the greatest
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
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 of working away from family and friends is growth in professional life.
This
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 is because living in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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small
towns
Fix the agreement mistake
town
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 offers
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 opportunities in terms of jobs. Most of the companies are located in cities, which
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
 employees
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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better salary packages and numerous other benefits.
As a result
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 find
this
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 lucrative and they move away from their relatives in order to attain better living standards.
For instance
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 in India, due to
boom
Correct article usage
the boom
show examples
 in the IT sector,
Correct your spelling
majority
majoirty
Correct article usage
the majoirty
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 of inhabitants moved away from their native places in search of better employment.
Nevertheless
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, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 drawbacks in terms of
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
 when it comes to staying apart from the
closer
Replace the word
closest
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
This
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 is due to working
people
Use synonyms
 will find no one to share their feelings
.
Change preposition
with.
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Alongside the
Change preposition
The
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who are workmates are not that
close knit
Add a hyphen
close-knit
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 as compared to friends and family to share the emotions.
Therefore
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, sometimes it may lead to mental depression. To illustrate, a recent study concluded that working away from family and friends is the primary reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 depression. In conclusion,
although
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 there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 disadvantages regarding staying away from the loved ones,
while
Correct word choice
apply
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there
Correct your spelling
they're
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 a myriad
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
benefits
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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outwieghs
Correct your spelling
outweighs
outweigh
 the negative aspects. In my opinion, moving away is a complex decision,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 it plays a pivotal role in securing
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 livelihood which makes the person happier and
successful
Correct quantifier usage
more successful
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 in
a
Remove the article
apply
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life.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

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