IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some children take sports seriously, they want more than fun. Is it a positive or negative development?

Some
children
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 take
sports
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 seriously and aim for more than entertainment.
While
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this
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 trend may raise certain concerns, I contend that it is an
overall
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 positive development because it helps
children
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 gain useful life skills and improve their physical and mental health. One major advantage of taking
sports
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 seriously is that it helps
children
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 develop discipline and self-control. Regular training requires commitment, patience, and following rules, which encourages
children
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 to manage their time effectively and stay focused on long-term goals. These skills are highly transferable and remain useful whether
children
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 study in the academic field or enter the workplace in the future.
In addition
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, serious involvement in
sports
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 promotes physical fitness and psychological well-being. Through consistent exercising,
children
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 can strengthen their bodies, relieve stress, and build confidence, which contributes to healthier lifestyles and reinforced emotional stability. Admittedly, treating
sports
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 too seriously may prevent
children
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 from fully enjoying the entertainment and relaxation that physical activity can offer. Excessively pursuing impressive performances may lead to burnout or stress because they tend to concentrate on winning and losing rather than enjoying the process of exercise.
However
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,
this
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 negative effect can be reduced if parents and coaches provide appropriate guidance. By emphasising personal improvement
instead
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 of competition alone, adults can help
children
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 maintain a balanced attitude towards exercise and benefit from structured training at the same time. In conclusion,
although
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 there are potential drawbacks when
children
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 treat
sports
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 with excessive seriousness, I argue that the advantages surpass the disadvantages. By fostering discipline, enhancing physical and mental health, and receiving proper guidance,
children
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 can gain long-term benefits from taking
sports
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 seriously.

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example
Give more real examples to back up ideas, such as a small case or fact.
coherence
Use more linking words to show how ideas are connected.
language
Keep some shorter sentences too, so the idea is clear.
structure
End with a strong closing line that restates your view.
task
Make sure you answer the question in the opening paragraph and stay on one main idea.
content
Clear view and steady choice on the topic.
structure
Good flow with good links between ideas.
content
Balanced view with a small caveat.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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