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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that parents should be responsible for encouraging their children to take regular exercise. Others argue that the main responsibility for encouraging children to do so should lie with schools.

#people #parents #children #exercise #responsibility #schools
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Nowadays, the health state of young
children
 is at an
alarmed
Replace the word
alarming
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 rate as most of them are suffering from obesity and weak immune system. There are several controversial arguments involving whether
parents
 or schools should be responsible for encouraging them to take regular
exercise
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both perspectives and give my own idea.
First
 of all, it is generally believed that
parents
 have more opportunities to share time with their
children
 and teach them good habits.
Moreover
, taking
exercise
 from
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age can form a healthy lifestyle during their lifelong and
thus
, difficult to be given up. Some
parents
also
 do that with their
children
 to be a good
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 as well as draw in them a basic awareness of health protection.
In addition
, every pair of
parents
 usually have one to two
children
, which means they can give enough care and attention to their
children
’s health while it is impossible at a school with thousands of students.
On the other hand
, not all
parents
 are available to spend too much time with their
children
 and have enough knowledge on
exercise
 for kids. In
this
 case, schools are proved to be a reliable place for
this
 mission as they are
quipped
Correct your spelling
equipped
show examples
 with suitable facilities and
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 to maintain students’ physical performance.
Furthermore
,
children
 usually find it easier to keep
disciplines
Fix the agreement mistake
discipline
show examples
 at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 and sometimes are enthusiastic to take
exercise
 with their friends. All things considered, I firmly believe that
this
 is both schools’ and
parents
’ responsibility to encourage
children
 to take
exercise
 regularly because it can give them more motivation and conditions to keep healthy.
Submitted by amritmalhi952 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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