IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that parents should be responsible for encouraging their children to take regular exercise. Others argue that the main responsibility for encouraging children to do so should lie with schools.

#people #parents #children #exercise #responsibility #schools
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the health state of young
children
Use synonyms
 is at an
alarmed
Replace the word
alarming
show examples
 rate as most of them are suffering from obesity and weak immune system. There are several controversial arguments involving whether
parents
Use synonyms
 or schools should be responsible for encouraging them to take regular
exercise
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both perspectives and give my own idea.
First
Linking Words
 of all, it is generally believed that
parents
Use synonyms
 have more opportunities to share time with their
children
Use synonyms
 and teach them good habits.
Moreover
Linking Words
, taking
exercise
Use synonyms
 from
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age can form a healthy lifestyle during their lifelong and
thus
Linking Words
, difficult to be given up. Some
parents
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 do that with their
children
Use synonyms
 to be a good
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 as well as draw in them a basic awareness of health protection.
In addition
Linking Words
, every pair of
parents
Use synonyms
 usually have one to two
children
Use synonyms
, which means they can give enough care and attention to their
children
Use synonyms
’s health while it is impossible at a school with thousands of students.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, not all
parents
Use synonyms
 are available to spend too much time with their
children
Use synonyms
 and have enough knowledge on
exercise
Use synonyms
 for kids. In
this
Linking Words
 case, schools are proved to be a reliable place for
this
Linking Words
 mission as they are
quipped
Correct your spelling
equipped
show examples
 with suitable facilities and
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 to maintain students’ physical performance.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 usually find it easier to keep
disciplines
Fix the agreement mistake
discipline
show examples
 at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 and sometimes are enthusiastic to take
exercise
Use synonyms
 with their friends. All things considered, I firmly believe that
this
Linking Words
 is both schools’ and
parents
Use synonyms
’ responsibility to encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to take
exercise
Use synonyms
 regularly because it can give them more motivation and conditions to keep healthy.
Submitted by amritmalhi952 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: