There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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Nowadays, there is a higher level of stress on the younger generation to accomplish their educational goals. Some individuals believe that the non-compulsory courses

such

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as sports, art and cooking classes should be replaced by the exam

subjects

Use synonyms

However

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, I do not agree that the non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

should be removed from the compulsory curriculums.

This

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essay will discuss the reasons why students need to keep on having extracurriculars. Currently, young students in primary and secondary schools face increasing pressure because they want to be accepted by a better university. To achieve

this

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goal, they make full use of the time on their homework and try to gain an excellent score in areas like English, mathematics and the other academic curriculums, to successfully meet the universities’ entry requirements.

For example

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, when I was still a high school student, I had to stay in the library to go over all of the knowledge of my compulsory courses to prepare for the university's entrance examination even if I was on my midterm break.

Therefore

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, pupils and high school students, those who spend more time on necessary

subjects

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, are more likely to get a better score on the examinations.

Conversely

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, mental and physical health is still necessary,

although

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academic work always comes as the most priority place in their study life. Only when children are able to keep balance on their health and study, they can handle the academic tasks effectively.

For instance

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, extracurriculars

such

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as physical classes, painting and cookery, can not only relax their bodies but

also

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release the stress caused by paperwork.

Thus

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, non-academic activities are

also

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significantly important for children. In conclusion, young people spend most of their time on compulsory curriculums because of the increasing pressure from the study atmosphere.

However

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, extracurriculars contribute better health conditions for the younger generation to ensure that they are able to perform better.

Consequently

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, I disagree that non-academic

subjects

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should be neglected in basic education.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

322 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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