IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people thingk that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #thingk #attention
It is held that
advertisements
 are extraordinarily successful in influencing us to purchase
things
 whereas some
people
 suggested that advertising is very customary
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
 to notice
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in everyday life. In the following paragraph, I will discuss both sides of the statement and offer my opinion and explain why I fully believed that advertising plays an important role in persuading our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 to buy
things
. On the one hand, there are many
advertisements
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 play a crucial role in attracting
people’s
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 to purchase a lot of
things
 and households.
This
 is due to
people’s
 belief and interest in
advertisements
 which are advertising every day. One illustration shows
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 is that most women are willing to buy households and some cosmetic
makeups
Fix the agreement mistake
makeup
show examples
 since they have interested in
advertisements
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these
things
 and the same
happening
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
 in men’s
things
such
 as watches, cars and so on.
Furthermore
, some
people
 without knowledge would mostly buy whenever some
things
 are
advertising
Wrong verb form
advertised
show examples
 in different ways.
On the other hand
, other
people
 argue that advertising
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 common thing for
people
 so that
people
 will not have any interest
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it. The most interesting fact is that most
advertisements
 are repeated which are already familiar
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
although
 there are some new
advertisements
 that are recently published. Another point to show for
this
 is that some
people
 will
less
Add a missing verb
be less
show examples
 interested in
advertisements
 since they have seen many
advertisements
 and have already known the
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
show examples
 way and disadvantages of
advertisements
. To conclude, many
people
 suggest that
advertisements
 are doing well in the extreme at persuading us to purchase a lot of
things
 while some
people
 think that advertising
advertisements
 is an ordinary thing
that is
 repeated throughout
people’s
 lives and
people
 no longer pay attention and interest in these
advertisements
. In my opinion, I believed that advertising
advertisements
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 extremely successful in attracting most
people’s
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 to buy
things
.
Submitted by may on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: