There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional musicnowadays of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere ?

Music
is appreciated worldwide. Indeed it is its diverse form
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
makes it
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be enjoyed by all individuals.
This
esaay
Correct your spelling
essay
will elaborate
why
Change preposition
on why
show examples
we need
music
and will
further
explain why traditional
music
is more important than modern international
music
. Among many reasons why
music
is needed, is its educative nature. It goes without
mention
Wrong verb form
mentioning
show examples
that we learn so much through
music
.
For example
, artists educate us about
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
affairs of the nation through their
music
as well as sensitising the general populous about key elements of society like common disease outbreaks.
Additionally
,
music
is essential in the sense that it helps us relax as we use it as a source of entertainment.
For instance
, a survey conducted among medical students at Cambridge University showed that 98% of them relieve their stress by listening to
music
.
Music
can be categorised as traditional and modern international
music
. The former is more essential than the latter because of not only
helping
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
preserve cultural values but
also
is easily understood by
indiginous
Correct your spelling
indigenous
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
.
This
will make everyone understand and appreciate their roots through
music
and
consequently
pass on the trend to future generations.
This
is backed by evidence from
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research done in China, in which 87% of the correspondents preferred local traditional
music
to international
music
for the purposes
oulined
Correct your spelling
outlined
above.
Therefore
, it has been shown that
music
in all its complexity, is needed for its educative and entertainment nature.
Furthermore
, traditional
music
is opted for by many
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
for the sake of cultural preservation and
also
easy understanding of what is being said in the songs.
Submitted by Mikado on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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