IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

#growth #shops #towns #cities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Online shopping has become exponentially prevalent in the everyday lives of millions of people around the world
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and will continue to grow in the coming years. Amazon has become so big that when you think of the words “online shopping”, it’s most likely the first website that comes to mind.
This
 inevitable growth might lead one to wonder if the physical act of buying products will eventually disappear. Personally, I think
that is
 a very dystopic idea that would take many, many years to come true. For that to be possible, technology would have to become so advanced that you would almost never have a reason to leave your home. Shopping isn’t just about buying a product, it’s a fun activity that makes people happy. The process of comparing, touching and trying different kinds of products right in front of your eyes is something that online shopping will never be able to replicate.
Also
, shopping is one of the most common ways to spend Anne and connect with other people. Going out shopping with friends or family is always a big opportunity to get to know each other better. That’s why I think that if
this
 were to disappear, can only imagine it happening in a bleak future where relationships and human interactions become very strained and limited. Online shopping is very often a necessity
that is
 certainly extremely useful and offers many advantages, and it will continue to grow faster and faster.
However
, I don’t think it will replace the fun and expressive activity
that is
 physical shopping anytime soon.
Submitted by serena.barbieri86 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider dividing the essay into paragraphs to clearly separate your introduction, main points, and conclusion, which will enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your position and make your essay more convincing.
general
Make sure to proofread your essay to catch minor errors, such as typos, that can distract the reader.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well, presenting a clear argument against the idea that online shopping will cause all physical shops to close.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, with ideas building on each other and leading to a well-rounded conclusion.
task achievement
You have effectively highlighted the social and experiential aspects of physical shopping, which supports your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • physical stores
  • online retailers
  • retail apocalypse
  • digital economy
  • consumer behavior
  • sustainability
  • commercial landscape
  • high-street
  • consumer trends
  • augmented reality
  • showrooms
  • carbon footprint
What to do next:
Look at other essays: