Nowadays, a lot of offices employ open-space designs instead of separate rooms for work. Do the advantage of this outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, working in an office has been changed. Many people are questioning whether a company should create an open space for their employees
instead
of a private room. From my perspective, the benefits of
this
outbalance
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
the drawbacks. In
this
essay, the reasons to support my opinion will be outlined. On one hand, a concentration, that sitting around others cannot provide, is essential for working. Because open offices can be noisy and distracting, some workers might lose their focus.
For example
, an accountant is a career that requires a great amount of concentration to calculate or type a number. If they work and
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
not concentrate on it, they will lose some important details.
Thus
, some people might not
suit
Wrong verb form
be suited
show examples
to
this
type of working together and are likely to prefer working in separate rooms.
On the other hand
, working in an open space increases interaction within teams. They will have more opportunities to communicate with their colleagues.
Moreover
, an interaction makes a brainstorming that leads to innovation.
For instance
, a creative director is a career that has to share ideas with their teams. They collect every idea together and build it into a great innovation for their customer. If they work in a private room, they will
less
Add a missing verb
be less
show examples
likely to talk to each other and might not do it well.
Consequently
, workers will gain huge benefits from an open space.
To sum up
, working in an open area
makes
Verb problem
has
show examples
essential advantages. From my point of view,
although
this
might make people lose focus, it makes workers interact with each other, which is necessary for
teamworking
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
.
However
, the company should provide personnel, who want a concentration, with separate rooms to make a balance for everyone.
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Task Response
Ensure all points directly relate to the topic and focus on the advantages and disadvantages of open-space office designs. Consider providing more balanced arguments for both sides to enhance the task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs presenting arguments, and a conclusion. Work on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to improve coherence and cohesion. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas effectively.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Collaboration
  • Communication
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Partitioning
  • Reconfigure
  • Flexibility
  • Oversight
  • Productivity
  • Morale
  • Noise levels
  • Privacy
  • Exposure
  • Stress
  • Over-crowding
  • Confidential conversations
  • Spreading illnesses
  • Close proximity
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