IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children).To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmers #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
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It is argued that
volunteer
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work
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 should be made mandatory in
high
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the high
show examples
school
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 curriculum. I completely agree with
this
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 notion because unpaid
community
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work
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 offers better educational opportunities in future and it helps to make them global
citizens
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.
First
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 of all,
inclusion
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the inclusion
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 of unpaid
work
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 in the secondary
school
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curriculam
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curriculum
 will brighten
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students
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students'
student's
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 chances to get admission
in
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to
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 top most universities.
This
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 is because there is
a
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apply
show examples
rising competition among applicants to get
in to
Join the words
into
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 their dream tertiary educational institute. These days universities are looking for
the
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apply
show examples
canditates
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candidates
 with a strong profile apart from academic performance. If
a
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an
show examples
applicants
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applicant's
show examples
 profile reflects
volunteer
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work
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 it gives him precedence over the other candidates.
For instance
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, in most of the Ivy
league
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League
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 institutions in the USA, applicants with
community
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 service experience will be given
preferance
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preference
 over the ones who
does
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do
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 not hold any unpaid experience during secondary
school
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
addition
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the addition
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 of
vounteer
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volunteer
work
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 in
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
show examples
school
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 schedule will
esure
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ensure
 better educational opportunities. Another reason to consider, working as a
volunteer
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 in
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community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 will make
students
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a
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apply
show examples
global
citizens
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.
This
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 is due to the fact that as a member of society it is our
reponsibility
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responsibility
 to help the needy ones. if they will start doing the unpaid
work
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 they can understand the concept of sharing is caring.
As a result
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, they will turn out to be
a better human beings
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a better human being
better human beings
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 who can
work
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 for the betterment of
nation
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the nation
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 in future. To illustrate, a recent study concluded that indulgence in unpaid
work
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 will enhance the sense of patriotism in
students
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 as compared to others who never get
invloved
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involved
.
Thus
Linking Words
, free
community
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work
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 plays a paramount role in making
the
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apply
show examples
secondary
school
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students
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to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be responsible
citizens
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. In conclusion, It is my firm belief that
volunteer
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work
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 should be included in the high
school
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 curriculum. Not only it does increase the chances of
students
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to get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 admitted to better universities, but it
also
Linking Words
 helps to shape them
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
a better
Correct the article-noun agreement
better citizens
a better citizen
show examples
citizens
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

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