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Writing Samples
Band 6

Once children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, once
children
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 begin attending
school
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, it is believed that
teachers
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 have a greater influence on their academic and social
development
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 than their
parents
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. I agree with
this
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 view to a large extent, as
children
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 spend more time in
school
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 than at home and are exposed to structured learning and social interactions that help shape their
overall
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 growth.
To begin
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 with, a child's intellectual and social success is heavily influenced by
school
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 and
teachers
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. Many schools not only focus on academic subjects but
also
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 introduce classes that promote social awareness and emotional
development
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. Students spend around eight hours a day with their
teachers
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 and peers, which provides numerous opportunities for learning and social interaction.
In addition
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,
teachers
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 often guide students on how to behave in public, how to interact respectfully with others, and how to become independent thinkers. These experiences build confidence and develop important life skills.
For instance
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, an article in The Times of India highlighted that several schools are now integrating general knowledge and moral education into the curriculum, which helps students grow into responsible and socially aware individuals.
Although
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teachers
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 play a significant role,
parents
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 still have a meaningful impact on their
children
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's values and personal
development
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.
Parents
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 can guide their
children
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 by sharing moral lessons, helping with studies, and encouraging good
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
.
Children
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also
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 learn by observing their
parents
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’ attitudes and actions.
For example
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, if
parents
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 show respect for culture and society,
children
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 are likely to adopt the same values. A study conducted by Western Sydney University found that
while
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 schools contribute greatly to a child’s
development
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, parental involvement remains essential in building emotional stability and ethical
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. In conclusion,
children
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 spend a significant portion of their day at
school
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, which allows
teachers
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 to influence their academic performance and social
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
.
However
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, the role of
parents
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 in supporting their
children
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’s moral and emotional
development
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 should not be overlooked. Both
teachers
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 and
parents
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 contribute in unique and important ways to a child’s
overall
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development
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is good. Make sure to restate the main ideas in different words at the end.
coherence cohesion
You have organized your ideas well. Each paragraph focuses on one main idea, which makes it clear for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied linking words to connect your ideas better, such as 'however', 'moreover', and 'for example'.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and support your arguments well, making your points stronger.
coherence cohesion
The way you explained the role of teachers in a child's life was clear and easy to follow.
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