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Band 6

In general, people are living longer now. Which of the following do you think accounts for this phenomenon?

#people #accounts #phenomenon
nowadays people are living longer than earlier. there are
lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of improvements in various areas resulting in longer
life
. In my opinion, I think improvements in technology play a significant role in
this
. I feel
this
 way for two reasons, which I will explore in
this
 essay.
to begin
 with, I contend that, technological improvements in the medical sector
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the primordial factor for a better
life
. In
today
's
scenario
Add a comma
,scenario
show examples
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 so many
advancement
Change to a plural noun
advancements
show examples
 in the hospitals. the availability of various
disease
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diseases
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 detecting machines
such
 as CT scan machines, Ultrasound, treadmill tests and many more. these all made treatment quite easy than
earlier
Change preposition
in earlier
show examples
 times. my own experience is a compelling exam of
this
. I remember my grandfather had some gastrointestinal problems. during their
time
 testing was not much advance. he lives in the countryside at that
time
. to go advanced hospital in the city was
also
 a concern. so, he could not able to get the treatment
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 he could get in
today
's times.
secondly
, is the
use
 of modern technologies
such
 as
use
Add an article
the use
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 of computers in offices. in
today
's
times
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,times
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 it seems impossible to live without the
use
 of smartphones and various electrical appliances. these all
saves
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save
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time
 and increase our relaxing
time
.
for instance
, nowadays I used to work for 37 hours
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a week. in my grandpa's
time
Add a comma
,time
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 people used to work for more than forty-five hours a week.
this
 all is because of technology.
today
, I got extra
time
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared to my grandpa. which I
use
 in spending with my family and friends. on weekends I
also
 got
time
 for doing the painting or reading books or anything which I like. my grandparents not used to have
such
 free
time
 for them. in a nutshell, I strongly believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 improvement in the medical sector and the
use
 of technology has tremendously changed our
life
. in ,
fact
Add an article
the fact
show examples
 these made our
life
 long and easy.
Submitted by SV on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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