At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

#time #population #countries #adults #people

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Aging

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Ageing

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society around the world is a big issue. The

number

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of older

people

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increase

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increases

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over the

young

Correct quantifier usage

number of young

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adults

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. Some

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country

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countries

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still

control

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controls

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the

number

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young

Add an article

a young

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adult

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adults

show examples

Correct your spelling

newborn

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new born

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newborn

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birth

incresing

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increasing

. The economic issue is a major

involve

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involves

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number

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a number

the number

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of young and older

people

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. I do agree that

to have

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having

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large

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a large

the large

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number

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of young

adults

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compare

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compared

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to older

people

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have more benefits

outweigh

Correct pronoun usage

that outweigh

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its drawbacks. To

exempify

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exemplify

the

first

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advantages of having more

number

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of young

adults

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over the elderly. Young

adults

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in a vast group in the

country

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who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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still have abilities to work. After their work, their tax

are

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collected. The

country

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have

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has

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an income from

taxes

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the other hand, most

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apply

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older

people

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have sedentary life or retirement life which they are not working. The nation

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does

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not

recieve

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receive

any

taxes

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from them.

Moreover

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, they have to use the

taxes

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taking

Wrong verb form

take

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care of the elderly in

Linking Words

last

Correct article usage

the last

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part of

thier

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their

the

life.

Linking Words

Second

Correct article usage

The second

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advantages

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advantage

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is young

adults

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have

strength

Correct article usage

the strength

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and creativity to create

the

Correct article usage

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campaign to improve the

country

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For example

Linking Words

, the

electricity

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electric

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car which is a high technology car version which

have

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has

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been released and

improve

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improved

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the economy of the

country

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. Young

people

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Change the verb form

are

show examples

Change the word

apply

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brisker than the older

people

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in technology and new knowledge finding. In conclusion, The

country

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that

have

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has

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more young

adults

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number

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than

elder

Correct article usage

the elder

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have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

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more advantages than drawbacks. In many

aspect

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aspects

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including economic issues,

country

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income or

taxes

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, and

also

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the activities or

campaign

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campaigns

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that pull the

country

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forward.

Submitted by sarawanee.ph on Fri Apr 15 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
41
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

252 words

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

There have been many inventions in the human history, such as the wheel. Some people think the most important thing is the internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is important for people to take risk, both in professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disavantages?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume les sugar . Do you agree or disagree?