Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #world #money #illnesses #diseases #health #education #prevention

It’s easier to prevent than to cure.

However

, executive representatives of the governing body globally put expenses on curing disorders firsthand and not sufficient on

health

education and impediment of the diseases. I totally agree with

this

statement and in body

paragraphs

Add a comma

,paragraphs

show examples

I’ll explain my take on

this

To begin

with, education is a tool

that is

essential in people’s life. It gives us an opportunity to impede a lot of bad consequences of everything. And while

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

is busy wasting money on

ilnesses

Correct your spelling

illnesses

and

mistreat

Wrong verb form

mistreating

show examples

health

education we’ll see a society that keeps on consuming fast food and is unaware of elementary skills

realted

Correct your spelling

health

. But

this

can be figured out due to

health

-promoting ads that encourage healthy lifestyles and hinder unhealthy patterns

such

as obesity.

This

is one way to have a well-brought-up society and it will gradually result in

less

Correct quantifier usage

fewer

show examples

ilnesses

Correct your spelling

illnesses

soo there won’t be

need

Correct article usage

a need

show examples

to waste money on them. They say that demand creates supply, but I guess it’s vice versa. If we are represented with

low quality

Add a hyphen

low-quality

show examples

products we will consume that. So the government is better to start taking care

Change preposition

show examples

increasing supply, in

this

case

Add the comma(s)

,case

show examples

the demand will be of high quality. When it comes to

health

issues

such

as AIDS, Hepatitis C virus and a

lot

Add the preposition

oflot

show examples

other ones, we again notice the lack of information among people.

Although

a lot of NGOs take care of preventing these issues

organizing

Change preposition

by organizing

show examples

workshops or study sessions in schools, the government should

also

be actively involved in

this

. To sum up, there are plenty of ways to do so that the number of illnesses will decrease and people will become more self-aware.

Thus

first

and foremost problem to be solved will become teaching people properly.

Submitted by Sofia-Haykuhi on Sun Apr 17 2022

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

291 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.5

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some scientist thinks that there are intelligent life forms on other planets and messages should be sent to contact them. Other scientists think it is a bad idea and would be dangerous, Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many offenders commit more crime after serving their first punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

In many countries, plastic shopping bags are the main source of rubbish. They cause water and land pollution, and so they should be banned. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Human activities have negative effects on the environment. Some people believe it is too late to take measures to prevent animals and plants from dying out. Others think actions should be taken to improve the situation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.