Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress because what matters is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that employers should make
rules
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for the dressing of employees or they are free to choose their
clothes
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and employers should focus on their efficiency. In my opinion,
although
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people are free to choose their
clothes
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, in the official environment should
be existed
Wrong verb form
exist
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cloth law.
Firstly
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, some individuals believe that they are the only one who makes decisions about their
clothes
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.
This
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opinion is
due to
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the fact that they believe choosing the garment is a private decision, so individuals can decide on their dress in each situation, and the
workplace
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is one of these.
Hence
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, employers should not disrupt their privacy by generating
rules
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for their
clothes
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.
In addition
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, they encourage the freedom of human in their lives
,
Remove the comma
apply
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and selecting work
clothes
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is one of them. It means that humans are much more intelligent in selecting their suitable
clothes
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for each place ,
while
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findings show that people tend to behave in order to their ambitions
instead
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of considering the group beneficial, so in my perspective, considering the
workplace
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as a big group, there should be specific
rules
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to preserve irregularities.
On the other hand
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, the office is a formal place.
Due to
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the fact that the organizations need an official environment, it is important to make
rules
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for each contributing
elements
Fix the agreement mistake
element
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.
Therefore
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, employees as an important part of the organization should obey the related
rules
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including the type of
clothes
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laws. Meanwhile, personnel should dress formally in their
workplace
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to reduce capturing other colleague' attention and concentrate on their performance. In my opinion, establishing
rules
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for dressing in the
workplace
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not only will create an array but
also
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improve workers` functionality. In conclusion,
although
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choosing the dress is a private decision, I believe that organizations should have specific
rules
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for dressing workers to enhance both their efficiency and organizational array.
Submitted by n.fallahi327 on

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relevant specific examples
Although your essay covers both sides of the argument, try to provide more specific examples or case studies to enhance the strength of your main points. Specific examples make your argument more convincing and relatable.
clear comprehensive ideas
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. There were a few minor errors that slightly detract from the overall readability. For example, phrases like 'should be existed cloth law' should be revised to 'there should be a dress code.'
introduction conclusion present
You have presented a clear introduction that outlines the main argument and concluded effectively, summarizing your stance on the issue. This is a strong point in terms of structuring your essay.
logical structure
The essay maintains a logical structure, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the argument. This enhances the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dress code
  • professional attire
  • workplace culture
  • productivity
  • branding
  • perception
  • creativity
  • equality
  • bias
  • discrimination
  • first impressions
  • freedom of expression
  • quality of work
  • skill set
  • professionalism
  • comfort
  • clientele
  • stakeholders
  • competence
  • formal attire
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