IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Marketers should not be allowed to target children in their advertisement. Would you agree or disagree with this statement?

#marketers #target #children #advertisement
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Nowadays, the most interesting
things
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thing
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of
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about
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 human life is a new thing that was developed to an efficient and comfortable that apply
with
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to
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 each characteristic of people. Certainly, in marketing work
by
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apply
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the craftsmanship of marketers have many offering that
customer
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customers
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 can choose and they need to use
time
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the time
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 to get a better choice. Most importantly we should not overlook
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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demand
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demands
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. From my perspective, I totally disagree with that statement. Undoubtedly, many people think they should not be allowed to target
children
Use synonyms
 because they do not have an experience and some content do not appropriate
with
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for
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 their young age. They do not be aware
in
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of
show examples
tricky
Correct article usage
the tricky
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 of marketing and can believe easily about
interesting
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the interesting
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invitation
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invitations
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. They cannot
affordable
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afford
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 in
an
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apply
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expensive merchandise.
However
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 younger kids do not have an experience as much as mature
but
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apply
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for me, they have a lot of imagination that make them
to
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apply
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grow up so,
adult
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an adult
the adult
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 should not intercept student learning. Actually, the most unexpected that some mature never know is
children
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 is the main key to
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 their
parents
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parent's
parents'
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decision
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decide
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 to purchase goods or service. In conclusion, some people believe that they should not make
an
Remove the article
apply
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advertising
Wrong verb form
advertise
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for
Change preposition
to
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children
Use synonyms
 because of their younger age and they cannot
affordable
Replace the word
afford
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 for merchandise or service. Especially, their responsibility is not much to make
decision
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a decision
the decision
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 while I disagree about that content and think they should give an
occasionally
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occasion
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 to make
children
Use synonyms
’s imagination grow. Certainly,
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an adult
the adult
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adult
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adults
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 can illustrate a wonderful thing or it can be learning material for kids.
Submitted by dreamyssw on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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