IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?

Working after retirement is considered a controversial topic
due to
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 the fact that nowadays most
people
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 are struggling with economic issues.
While
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 I agree that working may bring significant advantages for elders, especially those who are capable of continuing a job, I believe that deciding about
this
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 issue is highly dependent on the person and their
life
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. Various factors contribute to whether
people
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 decide to continue working into their old age or not. One major reason is the socioeconomic status of
people
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. For the majority of
people
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 , working is the only choice because it is necessary for them to generate revenue to rescue themselves from poverty. The other contributors are well-being and
overall
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 health. Some
people
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 choose to work despite their socio-economic status because they believe working positively affects their
overall
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 well-being.
Hence
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,
People
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 decide whether to have a job after retirement.
In addition
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, another group of
people
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 prefer to stop working as elders, so that they choose to spend time with their families, especially with their grandchildren, travel to places
,
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apply
show examples
 where they believe everyone needs to see before ending their
life
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, or simply enjoy their
life
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 by relaxing on a coach and watching movies.
Nevertheless
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, some elders have to work despite their intentions. It is undeniable that
people
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 may be unable to work after a specific age.
Consequently
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, governments should provide them with
life
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 insurance. In conclusion, old
people
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's lives give them two different options
,
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:
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 working or not working.
However
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, there are
people
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 who want to stop working when they reach a specific age , but their lives do not allow them to do so. It is necessary for governments to provide opportunities for these
people
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 to have access to
life
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 insurance.

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task achievement
Make your main points clearer and support them with specific examples or reasons. This will help your reader understand your message better.
coherence
Use linking words to connect your ideas. This will help your essay flow better.
coherence
Try to make your introduction and conclusion more clearly related to each other. This will make your essay feel more complete.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument about older people working, which shows good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive decline
  • Mental and emotional well-being
  • Social interaction
  • Financial stability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Self-worth
  • Physical health
  • Skill utilization
  • Experience
  • Flexible working hours
  • Generational gap
  • Elderly individuals
  • Retirement
  • Workplace
  • Economic contribution
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