IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #workers #doctors #teachers #sports #entertainment #personalities
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The issue of which profession should be given more pay is of paramount importance and detachable. some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 who work in professional fields like doctors and teachers ought to be paid more than celebrities in sports and entertainment. I completely agree with
this
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 view and
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why teachers and doctors should benefit from a higher wage compared to sports and entertainment personalities.
To begin
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 with, the most rational justification is that professional workers would play a vital role in health services and education systems in
a
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apply
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society.
That is
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, when getting a higher salary, they are more likely to be motivated to carry out the duties of their positions and provide students and the general population with more efficient learning methods and healthcare services. A good illustration of
this
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 is the teacher who is fulfilling in terms of finances and they might take advantage of high-tech computers and the internet to boost the efficiency of teaching.
As a result
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 of easy access to educational facilities, students’ learning could (would) be facilitated.
In contrast
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, some
people
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 claim that entertainers and athletes
are deserved
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deserve
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 to get a larger amount of money. they firmly insist that sports stars are required to
have
Verb problem
make
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 a lot of effort or put themselves in danger in order to become famous and accomplished.
However
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, I do not find
this
Linking Words
 argument convincing healthcare professionals or educators have to undergo years of training so as to obtain qualifications and contribute to the community. Sarah Gilbert who is a medical professional,
for example
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, if she did not take a risk for
people
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 around the world, the Oxford vaccine would not
design
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be designed
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.
To sum up
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, I totally agree with the idea that
the
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apply
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health specialists and guides deserve to get paid more than athletes and entertainers in that they could(can) have significant effects on
people
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’s well-being and education.
Submitted by fereshte.naderi.ir on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main argument of whether professional workers like doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities.
coherence cohesion
Consider restructuring the essay to ensure a smoother flow between paragraphs. Use linking words and transitional phrases to improve coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional workers
  • Societal contribution
  • Scarcity
  • Market forces
  • Consumer demand
  • Role models
  • Economic impact
  • Revenue generation
  • Fair compensation
  • Social equity
  • Intrinsic rewards
  • Job satisfaction
  • Media rights
  • Merchandise sales
  • Public figures
What to do next:
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