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Band 6

Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#events #football #world #cup #occasions #tensions #emotions
There is no denying the fact that international and local sports have a significant influence on
society
,
while
 it is a commonly held belief that trending occasions are crucial in releasing bad feelings in an unharmful method, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that sports, in general, help
people
 remain calm and in a positive mood.
To begin
 with, countries that host these
events
 benefit in various aspects.
In other words
, hosting international
events
 not only influences human behaviour but
also
 impacts economic, health, whether mental or physical, reduces poverty and provides entertainment for
society
.
In addition
, audiences from foreign countries bring new cultures, languages, and behaviours allowing
people
 to interact with these differences.
This
 can realist stress and loneliness.
For example
,
according to
 a study made in Qatar in 2020, during their hosting of international football matches, the audience was friendly and social with the
people
, which eased
tension
Add an article
the tension
show examples
. Another point to consider, the relationship between countries will be stronger than before. The reason behind
this
 is that
people
 will respect them. It is
also
 possible to say that respecting and understanding the culture,
also
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 their habit that increases good feelings and reduces nervous emotions will help the
society
 when they do their methods to controlling their emotions.
Moreover
, when the country hosts international
events
, the owners
shops
Change preposition
of shops
show examples
 or the
people
 who work in handcraft, making clothes or bags, benefit from selling to the tourists,
this
 allows them to earn some money, which helps them secure their basic needs in their life.
This
 will reduce tension and release anxiety. In conclusion, despite
people
 having different views, I believe that major
events
 help
society
 in multiple ways.
Submitted by ahadaloufi3a on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, make sure ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Use linking phrases and words more effectively to connect different points and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea and sticks to it. This will help make your argument clearer and more compelling.
Task Achievement
To achieve a better task response, fully develop your arguments with more detailed explanations and specific examples. This will help in making your essay more convincing.
Task Achievement
Flesh out some of the points made. For example, expand on how interactions during such events reduce stress and loneliness, or explain in more detail how small businesses benefit financially, leading to a decrease in social tensions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, laying out the main points effectively.
Task Achievement
You have successfully identified multiple benefits of hosting international sporting events and made a coherent argument about how these benefits alleviate social tensions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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