IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, citizens must pay a lot of money in taxes, but education and healthcare are free. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages

#countries #citizens #money #taxes #education #healthcare #situation
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In many countries,a lot of taxes need to be paid by local
people
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 to get
education
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 and
healthcare
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 for free. In
this
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 essay, the benefits, drawbacks and why I agree with
this
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 statement will be discussed.
To begin
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 with, the lack of
education
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 and
healthcare
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 services has affected many societies in different aspects. Individuals are less likely to go to health centres for regular check-ups or pay extra tuition fees for their children's
education
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. But
on the other hand
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, states believe
this
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 will need a huge amount of funding to establish sufficient schools and hospitals, individuals have to be responsible for their
money
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. If the responsibility of
education
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 and hospitals is on governments
then
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people
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 would argue for the high-level services and it is difficult to handle
this
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. In my opinion, as time passes schools and medicines are getting more expensive and
this
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 issue is not going to stop until the government is involved in
this
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. The importance of our
money
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 might lead some
people
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 to think it is a waste of
money
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 to pay for
such
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 a thing.
However
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, if all states would have paid for
education
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 and
healthcare
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 the country would be a better place , especially for students.
For instance
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, Germany is one of those countries which let students and patients use these services with high quality for totally free and
people
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 are satisfied. In summary,
education
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 and
healthcare
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 are important and in some countries,
this
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 is becoming an issue for their
people
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money
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 is important but states need to have enormous
money
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 to pay for schools and hospitals.
Submitted by amir.lajevardi84 on

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task achievement
You have successfully addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of the situation, but your arguments should be more thoroughly developed. For instance, provide deeper analysis and more specific examples for each point discussed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally coherent and follows a logical structure. However, ensure that each paragraph fully supports the specific point it aims to address. Transitions between ideas could be smoother as well.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your introduction and conclusion for even greater clarity and impact. Your introduction could more clearly outline the main points you will discuss, and your conclusion should more succinctly summarize your key arguments.
task achievement
Try to integrate more relevant specific examples to back up your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and help illustrate your points more clearly.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully developed with supporting evidence. This will add depth to your essay and help you achieve a higher score.
task achievement
Your writing demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and successfully addresses both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which helps give the essay a clear structure.
coherence cohesion
You have used some good transitional phrases which help to guide the reader through your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Equitable access
  • Public health
  • Literacy rates
  • Social inequalities
  • Government accountability
  • Standard of living
  • Financial burden
  • Taxpayers
  • Government inefficiency
  • Quality of services
  • Competition
  • Personal responsibility
  • Self-reliance
  • Overreliance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: