IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, online shopping is getting more popular and replacing shopping in stores. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, shopping in
stores
Use synonyms
 is less popular than online shopping in several
nation
Change to a plural noun
nations
show examples
. While others said that it has some disadvantages, I would argue that its advantages are greater. Online shopping has many
benefits
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, because
products
Use synonyms
 are available in online
stores
Use synonyms
, consumers often easily buy
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this product
these products
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 within minutes or even seconds. Compare with shopping in
stores
Use synonyms
, having too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 people in these
stores
Use synonyms
 could lead to over-crowded.
Then
Linking Words
 having
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
que
Correct your spelling
queue
queues
 and consumers might difficult to select the
products
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, online
stores
Use synonyms
 offer diversity and variety
sizes
Change preposition
of sizes
show examples
 or forms of
products
Use synonyms
 for shoppers; so
this
Linking Words
 provides their options and
allowing
Wrong verb form
allows
show examples
 them
buy
Add the particle
to buy
show examples
 everything that they want.
Finally
Linking Words
, because of convenience, unlimitation of
choice’s
Change noun form
choice
show examples
 shoppers and
others
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
benefits
Use synonyms
, online shopping could become a trend, people tend to shop online.
This
Linking Words
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 enormous profit for sellers or
manufactures
Replace the word
manufacturers
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
 its
benefits
Use synonyms
, online shopping has some drawbacks.
First
Linking Words
, because
process
Add an article
the process
show examples
 of
products
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 problems or accident; or
also
Linking Words
 due to company, the
products
Use synonyms
 may be
Wrong verb form
damaged
show examples
damages
Correct your spelling
damaged
show examples
 or destroyed. In some
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
,
products
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
bought by consumers could be lost or
deliveried
Correct your spelling
delivered
 to the wrong address.
This
Linking Words
 leads to
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
reliable
Replace the word
reliability
show examples
 of buyers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as a wide range of
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
, shoppers
usually
Add a missing verb
are usually
show examples
addict
Wrong verb form
addicted
show examples
 to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. They spend too much time on their screen
to shop
Change the verb form
shopping
show examples
 online.
As a result
Linking Words
, they waste
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time and
this
Linking Words
 may have negative effects on their health. Meanwhile, it is true that going to the shopping mall
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 some
benefits
Use synonyms
, I think it is better to shop online.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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