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Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people #music #cultures #ages
It is often argued by some that
music
 can have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 impact on gathering
individuals
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 various
ages
 and cultures.I firmly agree that melody is
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
one
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 of the ways to bring a large number of different
people
 together
also
 there are some ways which can bring them together as well.
To begin
 with,
music
 is a known approach to
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
people
 of different
languages
 and
ages
.
firstly
,
languages
Fix the agreement mistake
language
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not needed when listening to
music
.
This
 is because most
listener
Fix the agreement mistake
listeners
show examples
 who tend to listen to
music
 enjoy its rhythm and tone and they have
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 feel,so
music
 can be suitable for gathering them.
secondly
,
music
 is the most
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 hobby across the world since all walks of life have a good sense while listening to the song.In fact,
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
people
 and youth are willing to listen to
music
in
Change preposition
as
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 their pastime,so
its
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it
show examples
 gathers a variety of
individuals
 of distinct
ages
.
Similarly
, I believe that there are some ways that are able to have considerable effects on bringing
people
 of variant
languages
 and cultures,
such
 as festival
food
 and sports event.
Firstly
,
food
 can
be suit
Change the verb form
be suited
show examples
 for
gathering
Add an article
the gathering
show examples
 because it is a primary need and they require it to continue their life.
hence
,
individuals
 who live in different areas are willing to test various types of foods, so
food
 plays a vital role in gathering most
people
 in the world.
In addition
, sports events are able to make various humans gather together,
for instance
 in the Olympic games, different sexes gather together and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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enjoy their competition.
this
 is why sports events are the best method to bring many
people
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different
languages
 and
ages
 together and have a positive influence. To sum it up,
although
individuals
 have various views, I am of the opinion that
In addition
 to
music
, which is a good way to gather
people
 of distinct
languages
 and
ages
 because there is no age limit and everyone enjoys its rhythm,
food
 and sport are
also
 suitable approaches.
Submitted by nilufarjavan on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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