IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

#celebrity #film #star #sports #personality
Some people say that being a celebrity could
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 issues as well as benefits
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 its own. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will provide some pros and contras for someone who wants to be a star and
in addition
, I will confirm why being a standard
person
 is better rather than
famous
Add a missing verb
being famous
show examples
. In one scenario, is it possible to think that
being
Change the form of the verb
is
show examples
 known for multiple humans, has as result the possibility of leaving a legacy
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 As a consequence, a star could use its own power to change
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 life and to help them
being
Change the form of the verb
be
show examples
 better, which
implicates
Replace the word
implies
show examples
 it must be a
person
 who
inspire
Change the verb form
inspires
show examples
 others.
However
, has an
imply
Change the form of the verb
implied
show examples
 obligation
Change preposition
to
show examples
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
obtain
Change the verb form
obtaining
show examples
 something in change, like
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 personal reward for their good actions. To give an example, the new trend of being
influencer
Add an article
an influencer
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 shows that someone with 100,000 followers can plant trees or create a
campain
Correct your spelling
campaign
 to give a home
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a homeless
person
, whereas it could be followed by 2,000 people more. One card for another.
On the contrary
, despite the benefits
sound
Wrong verb form
sounding
show examples
 astonishing, being famous carries the possibility of privacy invasion. It means that people
in general
Add the comma(s)
, in general,
show examples
 think that all
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
public information as well as the personal one, must be shared with others but it is not like that.
For instance
, there are some personal details that should not be shared with anyone, just with their relatives and if they are published, probably It would impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 mental health and its personal life. To summarize, if we put
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a tantamount
these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
 panoramas, the prize that a personality must pay for being famous,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is higher
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the benefits that it can obtain from it. As it is, the option of
occupied
Wrong verb form
occupying
show examples
 the role of a normal
person
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
does not look so bad at all.
Submitted by tatianaonzaga on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public scrutiny
  • Intrusive
  • Endorsements
  • Sponsorships
  • Financial security
  • High-profile collaborations
  • Social influence
  • Philanthropic efforts
  • Trust issues
  • Mental health challenges
  • Substance abuse
  • Pressures of celebrity
  • Expectations
  • Disconnect from reality
  • Normalcy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: