IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that government funding for schools should be spent on science subjects rather than on other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is undeniable that government funding should be allocated reasonably,
while
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 many individuals believe some subjects,
such
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 as chemistry, history, and philosophy, should be supported.
Although
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 I can see arguments behind these, I strongly opine that spending on
science
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 should be emphasized. On the one hand, universities should set diverse courses by authority funding for other subjects so that
students
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 can nurture their interests.
As a result
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,
students
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 can make great achievements in the ideal field.
According to
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 a social research report from the University of Hong Kong, 43% of people admit that their interest began in junior school and 22% in senior school, and they will transform their self-interest into a profession.
On the other hand
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, the university, as a beacon, should take on the liability of social development by increasing investments in the field of
science
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 and technology.
Students
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 will research in the leading fields of
science
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,
such
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 as biotechnology, auto-driving, and microprocessors. A clear example can be seen in the Tokyo University of Technology; the Japanese government has strengthened financial support by recruiting senior professors, organizing academic exchanges, building advanced labs, and increasing the proportion of scientific researchers in society. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, I completely agree that funding schools should be distributed to
science
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 subjects for the sake of benefiting society and
students
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.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a more nuanced view by discussing some benefits of funding for other subjects as well, which could enrich your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next to enhance logical progression. Transitional phrases can help with this.
Task Achievement
While your examples are relevant, expanding on how they specifically illustrate your main points could strengthen the argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and effectively supports it with relevant examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and connect back to your main argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • government funding
  • education funding
  • science subjects
  • STEM fields
  • technological advancement
  • innovation
  • economic competitiveness
  • holistic development
  • curriculum
  • real-world applications
  • climate change
  • public health
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • adaptability
  • diverse student interests
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