IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #cultures #technology
From the past to the present, there was an adaption of cultures in many societies which sometimes
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the combination
or
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 disappearance
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 cutting-edge
technology
.
Additionally
, some cultures
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
elimated
Correct your spelling
eliminated
 and changed by the internet. I agree that development in
technology
 led to traditional lifestyle
extinction
. My ideas and perspective will be provided in
ths
Correct your spelling
this
the
 essay.
Firstly
, the
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 development caused the original behaviour
changing
Change the verb form
to change
show examples
.
For instance
, in
Thialand
Correct your spelling
Thailand
, in the past,
people
 have some
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 and
ritual
Fix the agreement mistake
rituals
show examples
 about
respect
Wrong verb form
respecting
show examples
 the river which
called
Add a missing verb
is called
show examples
 Loy Krathong,
thai
Correct your spelling
that
people
 will put some beautiful
creation
Fix the agreement mistake
creations
show examples
float
Replace the word
floating
show examples
 in the river.
As a result
,
this
 ritual caused
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water
 pollution because there was a tonne of waste in the
water
.
Correct your spelling
These
show examples
There
Correct your spelling
These
show examples
 days, the internet
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
show examples
people
 to recognize the effect of
this
ceremony
, as a consequence,
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 number of participants reduces dramatically.
Therefore
, cutting-edge
invention
Fix the agreement mistake
inventions
show examples
 led
some
Change preposition
to some
show examples
 traditional
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
extinction
.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 development
contibutes
Correct your spelling
contributes
adaptation
Change preposition
to adaptation
show examples
 in
traditional
Add an article
a traditional
the traditional
show examples
ceremony
Fix the agreement mistake
ceremonies
show examples
.
For example
, in the past,
Songkran
Correct article usage
the Songkran
show examples
 festival is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
holidays
Fix the agreement mistake
holiday
show examples
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 citizens have to play with
water
, most of them
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
bowl
Add an article
a bowl
the bowl
show examples
 to play
water
Change preposition
with water
show examples
,
conversely
, nowadays,
people
 have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
gun
water
Change preposition
with water
show examples
 which can put the pressure
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 increase
distance
Correct article usage
the distance
show examples
.
As a result
, there was very fun to
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
technology
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
ceremony
.
Thus
, traditional culture is changed by new
innovation
Fix the agreement mistake
innovations
show examples
. In conclusion,
technology
 disturbs
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some ritual process
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 the
extinction
 and differentiation in
ceremony
Add an article
the ceremony
show examples
. I definitely agree that
technology
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 culture inevitably. In prediction, there was
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
extinction
 of the traditional
ceremony
, to prevent
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 issues,
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 and individuals need to maintain the objective of it.
On the other hand
, some
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 affect
environmental
Add an article
the environmental
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
,
therefore
 we need to change the traditional process or
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 some creative ideas to deal with
this
 problem.
Submitted by kavinpob on

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