IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

#countries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness #measures
In some countries, the average
weight
 of
people
 is rising, which, I believe, is because eating healthy is too expensive in these countries. Their health and fitness conditions are
also
 becoming worse. I think
this
 is mainly due to the
weight
 they
gain
. To solve these problems, governments should place a high tax on
junk
food
 and meanwhile make healthy
food
 affordable.
Junk
food
 is much cheaper than healthy
food
. Fresh fruits and vegetables are more expensive to farm than crops that will be processed because they rely on human
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 rather than machines.
For example
, fresh strawberries have to be picked by hand whereas strawberries destined for preserves can be harvested by a machine since bumps and bruises do not matter in the process, and machines are much cheaper in the long run.
This
 makes many
people
 dependent on cheap, unhealthy
food
 to fill their stomachs. Since it is generally high in calories, they easily
gain
weight
 as they eat more of it. Their
weight
gain
, in turn, has a negative effect on their fitness since what they
gain
 is fat, not muscle. Even worse, once they become overweight, they will be prone to obesity-related health problems
such
 as heart disease and diabetes. To solve these problems,
junk
food
 should be heavily taxed. Since low prices are the main reason why many
people
 consume it regularly, a high tax could effectively discourage them from doing so. Healthy
food
 should
also
 be made affordable and governments can help by giving subsidies to farmers whose produce will be sold fresh. In conclusion, the low price of
junk
food
 and the high price of healthy
food
 are the main reasons why in some countries
people
 are becoming heavier. The
weight
 they
gain
then
 negatively affects their health and fitness. To address these issues, healthy
food
 should be sold at affordable prices and
Junk
food
 should be subjected to high taxes.
Submitted by hvyas on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: