IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #phones #school
Nowadays, children are different from the past
time
as a result
 of technology and the internet. They spend most of their
time
 using tablets and video games. And their attention to real-life is very low.
First
 of all, I want to mention the fact that school classes became very bored lately. Lessons are too long and teachers are very strict. And
that is
 why students tend to take their phones with them. Some parents support their kids because they think it is a safe thing. It means when they are in a problem they will be able to call them directly about the issue. And
also
 it will give them the freedom to research unclear topics or anything they want.
In addition
, children can play using their devices in their free
time
.
On the other hand
, some families are against
this
 policy because they believe that school is the place where to gain knowledge not waste
time
.
For example
, if a boy is playing a card game on his iPad during Alphet's lecture it will affect his ability to write and read because he was busy with something else. So, home is a place where to use these technologies according to citizens' point of view. In my opinion, we should balance both sides. The world is changing fast and we need to follow it as soon as possible. If we prevent them from doing what they want, they will do it privately. So I prefer to manage a period of hours during the school day to let the kids check their cellphones.
Submitted by aamna.nasser1 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
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