IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of diverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages.

#future #cars #buses #trucks #driverless #people #vehicles #passengers #diverless
Nowadays many factories are producing drink and foods that
contains
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 percentage of
sugar
 which can be regarded as a reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many health problems. There is a belief that sugary products should be more expensive and harder to afford so it will make
people
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 less
sugar
 per day. On the one hand, due to some
reasons
Add a comma
,reasons
show examples
 it is not a perfect solution for
this
 particular obstacle and it can cause problems in the
society
.
Firstly
, sugary foods and drinks are now a part of
people
's lifestyle and once something is in
yours
Correct the word
your
show examples
 daily routine, you can'
t
 get rid of it really easily, especially when it refers to
their
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 diet so providing
sugar
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 price can cause a gradual increase in arguments and there will be unsatisfactory in the
society
.
Secondly
, it is going to be difficult for a group of
people
 who are in worse condition than ones who do not mind paying more for
sugar
 and they will not hurt and it is not the result that
people
 are looking for because
people
, who are affording less food than other, are going to have less and others won'
t
 have any problem.
On the other hand
, I assume problems that can be seen in the
society
comes
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 from the newest
people
's lifestyle so the main advantage of
this
 function is the change in
people
's life. It is true that
people
 won'
t
 like it and they will be angry, but I believe that as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time goes by, they will
be use
Change the verb form
be used
show examples
 to
this
 new style of living and we will see the benefit. When we put
this
 idea into action and after a bunch of years of patience we will see the significant improvements in the
society
, it will lessen the percentage of illness in the entire world which is a result that
people
 are wishing
these
Change preposition
for these
show examples
 days. In conclusion, there are some disadvantages but we
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
 make the assumption that we can'
t
 survive with them and I believe that
although
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 steps will be hard to stand, we can see considerable advantages
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end. .
Submitted by niayeshmonsef on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: