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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

#countries #animals #plants
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We are living in a modern era where the amount of flora and fauna is at risk of extinction. In my opinion,
this
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 alarming problem is caused by the existence of an inordinate number of urbanisations
as well as
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 global warming.
However
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, it can be solved by the government not only implementing strict rules on the logging field but
also
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 collaborating with individuals. There are many factors that influence the decline of living organisms. The most significant factor is global warming. The heat rise
that is
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 experienced worldwide did affect the lives of many livestock and plants.
For instance
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, the melted ice at the North Pole resulted in a narrowed living territory for polar bears.
Additionally
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, greenhouse gases
also
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 play an important role in global warming. The second factor comes from disorganised urbanisations, which rendered an insurmountable demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 deforestion. Trees are cut down to clear space for cow grazing, farming and wood harvesting.
This
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 leads to a direct loss of natural habitat for wildlife and puts flora
also
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 fauna in the extinction predicament.
While
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this
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 phenomenon is catastrophic, there is a wide range of feasible solutions to tackle
this
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 problem. The best strategy is producing a joint effort of citizens and policymakers.
Firstly
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, citizens should escalate the utilization of eco-friendly products, in the hope that it will help to reduce air pollutants, which contribute to global warming.
In addition
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, large companies need to be encouraged to cut down on their carbon footprint. Corporations the world over can switch to eco-friendly energy sources and materials.
On the other hand
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, the government should implement stricter policies regarding commercial logging. Heavier fines should be levied on illegal loggers and forest forces should have mỏe reinforcements.
Such
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 tough measures will discourage illegal timber harvesting operations to a degree.
To conclude
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, the declining number of both animals and plants happened
as a result
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 of global warming and metropolitanization. So, residents should strengthen their use of sustainable products,
whereas
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 the ministries must reform the policy of clear-cutting forests.
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Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and data to support your arguments. For example, mentioning specific statistics or studies related to global warming and its impact on wildlife can make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Increase the variety of linkage words to improve the flow of your essay. While your logical structure is generally good, using a broader range of cohesive devices could make the progression of ideas smoother.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are well-developed. Some paragraphs could benefit from further elaboration on how the suggested solutions could be implemented. Detailing the steps or proposing more concrete actions would enhance your argument's persuasiveness.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • urbanization
  • deforestation
  • agricultural expansion
  • pollution control
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable practices
  • overexploitation
  • invasive species
  • conservation
  • quarantine measures
  • eradication programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • natural habitats
  • species decline
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