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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types go progress are equally important for country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays many governments believe that, and I agree, economical achievements and development for the
country
Use synonyms
 is the most necessary aim, as
this
Linking Words
 enables them to invest in other important matters
such
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 as education, technology and etc. If a
country
Use synonyms
 enquires more money, it will get more
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
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 to develop its other infrastructures.
This
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 means that via assets which are gained through a dramatic economic
progress
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 infrastructure is it would be modernized
for example
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 the educational facilities of
such
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 a
country
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 might be improved, and the students will have more
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 to raise their knowledge if more money
be
Change the verb form
is
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 invested in
educational
Add an article
the educational
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 system.
However
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, some people say that other kinds of
progress
Use synonyms
 have
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
equal importance with economic one for a
country
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, which we can notice
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
country
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 having a weak military, in spite of its large
economic
Replace the word
economy
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.
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This
Correct determiner usage
Such
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such
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 a
country
Use synonyms
 is always in danger of foreign invasions and even maybe conquered and colonized easily by them.
Hence
Linking Words
, having a powerful army and defensive
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 is crucially important the same as economic
progress
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.
This
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 means that other
progress
Use synonyms
 should not be ignored by governments. In my honest opinion, the countries which have a developed
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
usually have
also
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 reached to other accomplishments.
For instance
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, China used to suffer from poverty all around
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
country
Use synonyms
, but these days by reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second
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 place in terms of economical power in the world,
this
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country
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 has been destroying
the
Correct article usage
apply
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poverty almost completely. And
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
country
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 has changed
to
Change preposition
into
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 one of the educational poles in the world in order to its efficient education system and the high amenities which its government provides for students.
Therefore
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, I believe that economic
progress
Use synonyms
 triggers other types of
progress
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. In conclusion, I say that economic
progress
Use synonyms
 is the most important goal, while by reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 goal, other kinds of
progress
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 should be considered
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because I know the economic improvement as the largest factor for other ones.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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