Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can be considered negative for young people and society generally. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Teenagers tend to have a huge influence on celebrities nowadays. Some people argue that it causes them to spend too much time staying at a department store, which may lead to a negative outcome. I completely agree with the statement and
this
essay will discuss related reasons.
Firstly
, via the internet and social media
people can instantly follow the latest information from all kinds of brands, Add a comma
media,
such
as clothing brands, electronic products, and also
ordinary items. Thus
, the crowd will easily appeal to those fancy and interesting advertisements. Besides
, some celebrities are paid for posting articles to promote a new product. Additionally
, the young community would like to buy the same things as if they are
a part of the mainstream. Wrong verb form
were
Consequently
, teenagers are often being
misunderstood to purchase a thing that they Unnecessary verb
apply
could not
afford.
Wrong verb form
cannot
Secondly
, there are a variety of different types of shops in the mall, thus
folk can not only do their shopping but also
have meals or even watch movies. By and large, if young adults are obsessed with those
indoor activities in their leisure time, it could lead to health problems and a lack of interaction with society. Correct determiner usage
apply
For instance
, according to
the statistics, the obesity index among teenagers is constantly increasing in recent years. Furthermore
, the inadequacy of communication with the public also
contributes to mental problems, such
as depression or frustration.
To sum up
, it is a common circumstance that the young community love
to spend their time in shopping malls. I totally agree with the negative effects that it brings to us. Considering their physical and mental health problems, governments and parents should take action actively.Correct subject-verb agreement
loves
Submitted by lovedimension4 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly sets out your opinion and the main points you will discuss. Your conclusion should summarize your position and key arguments in a strong and clear manner.
task achievement
While you have provided a clear position on the statement, it would be more effective to clearly state this position in a separate thesis statement. Additionally, ensure that your main points are directly related to the topic and fully address the question. Use specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.