Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can be considered negative for young people and society generally. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Teenagers tend to have a huge influence on celebrities nowadays. Some people argue that it causes them to spend too much time staying at a department store, which may lead to a negative outcome. I completely agree with the statement and

this

essay will discuss related reasons.

Firstly

, via the internet and social

media

Add a comma

media,

show examples

people can instantly follow the latest information from all kinds of brands,

such

as clothing brands, electronic products, and

also

ordinary items.

Thus

, the crowd will easily appeal to those fancy and interesting advertisements.

Besides

, some celebrities are paid for posting articles to promote a new product.

Additionally

, the young community would like to buy the same things as if they

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

a part of the mainstream.

Consequently

, teenagers are often

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

misunderstood to purchase a thing that they

could not

Wrong verb form

cannot

show examples

afford.

Secondly

, there are a variety of different types of shops in the mall,

thus

folk can not only do their shopping but

also

have meals or even watch movies. By and large, if young adults are obsessed with

those

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

indoor activities in their leisure time, it could lead to health problems and a lack of interaction with society.

For instance

according to

the statistics, the obesity index among teenagers is constantly increasing in recent years.

Furthermore

, the inadequacy of communication with the public

also

contributes to mental problems,

such

as depression or frustration.

To sum up

, it is a common circumstance that the young community

love

Correct subject-verb agreement

loves

show examples

to spend their time in shopping malls. I totally agree with the negative effects that it brings to us. Considering their physical and mental health problems, governments and parents should take action actively.

Submitted by lovedimension4 on Sun Apr 24 2022

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your introduction clearly sets out your opinion and the main points you will discuss. Your conclusion should summarize your position and key arguments in a strong and clear manner.

task achievement

While you have provided a clear position on the statement, it would be more effective to clearly state this position in a separate thesis statement. Additionally, ensure that your main points are directly related to the topic and fully address the question. Use specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

275 words

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Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can be considered negative for young people and society generally. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

Learning to manage money is one of the key a aspects of adult life. How in your view can individuals best learn to manage their money

Economic growth is one way to measure a country’s success, but what else should we look at? Which do you think is the most important?