IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think living in big cities is bad for peoples health. To what extent you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #peoples #health
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that living in urban
cities
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 is harmful from
Use synonyms
health
Add an article
a health
the health
show examples
 point of view. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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 I agree with their belief as
their
Replace the word
there
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 are numerous
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health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
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 issues arising in
cities
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 as compared to small
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
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 or villages.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are many reasons why
people
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 think that living in
cities
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 is hazardous for
health
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.
one
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 of the main reasons is pollution from vehicles and industries which leads to many
health
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 problems
such
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 as asthma,
lung
Correct word choice
and lung
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 cancer.
For
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instance
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,instance
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 a study was done by
World
Correct article usage
the World
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health
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 organization regarding air pollution in Delhi and it was concluded that
,
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apply
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it is
one
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 of the prevailing reasons for
increased
Correct article usage
the increased
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 death rate in that state.
One
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 of the studies was conducted in Mumbai , where
lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of marine animals were found dead on the
sea shore
Correct your spelling
seashore
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. It was found that the waste and chemicals from industries were responsible for their deaths and consumption of
such
Linking Words
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
sea food
Correct your spelling
seafood
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to serious
health
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 issues.
Secondly
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,
lifestyle
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the lifestyle
a lifestyle
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 of
people
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. Due to stress and competition at work
people
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 have become more
workaholic
Fix the agreement mistake
workaholics
show examples
, which is
one
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 of the major factors responsible for deteriorating
the
Change the word
their
show examples
health
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. It is not only affecting physical
health
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 but
also
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psychological
Correct article usage
the psychological
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 well being of
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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. Due to poor nutritional habits, sedentary lifestyle ,
disturbed
Correct word choice
and disturbed
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 sleep cycles
health
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 is getting ruined. Undoubtedly
health
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 care is very advanced in these urban
cities
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 but
still
Add a comma
,still
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 the studies and data demonstrate
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in
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health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 problems in these areas. To sum
up
Add a comma
,up
show examples
 I believe with
this
Linking Words
 notion that living in big
cities
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 have many detrimental effects on
health
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,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 they can be minimised by joint efforts of citizens and government.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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