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Band 5

Some people think living in big cities is bad for peoples health. To what extent you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #peoples #health
Some
people
 believe that living in urban
cities
 is harmful from
health
Add an article
a health
the health
show examples
 point of view. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I agree with their belief as
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are numerous
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 issues arising in
cities
 as compared to small
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 or villages.
To begin
 with, there are many reasons why
people
 think that living in
cities
 is hazardous for
health
.
one
 of the main reasons is pollution from vehicles and industries which leads to many
health
 problems
such
 as asthma,
lung
Correct word choice
and lung
show examples
 cancer.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 a study was done by
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
health
 organization regarding air pollution in Delhi and it was concluded that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it is
one
 of the prevailing reasons for
increased
Correct article usage
the increased
show examples
 death rate in that state.
One
 of the studies was conducted in Mumbai , where
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of marine animals were found dead on the
sea shore
Correct your spelling
seashore
show examples
. It was found that the waste and chemicals from industries were responsible for their deaths and consumption of
such
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
sea food
Correct your spelling
seafood
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to serious
health
 issues.
Secondly
,
lifestyle
Add an article
the lifestyle
a lifestyle
show examples
 of
people
. Due to stress and competition at work
people
 have become more
workaholic
Fix the agreement mistake
workaholics
show examples
, which is
one
 of the major factors responsible for deteriorating
the
Change the word
their
show examples
health
. It is not only affecting physical
health
 but
also
psychological
Correct article usage
the psychological
show examples
 well being of
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
. Due to poor nutritional habits, sedentary lifestyle ,
disturbed
Correct word choice
and disturbed
show examples
 sleep cycles
health
 is getting ruined. Undoubtedly
health
 care is very advanced in these urban
cities
 but
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
 the studies and data demonstrate
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 problems in these areas. To sum
up
Add a comma
,up
show examples
 I believe with
this
 notion that living in big
cities
 have many detrimental effects on
health
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 they can be minimised by joint efforts of citizens and government.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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