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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, some students live with their families while studying, but other students prefer to attend universities in other cities. Do the advantages of living away from family outweigh its disadvantages for students?

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Some
students
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 in many nations decide to live with their parents
while
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 pursuing their studies,
whereas
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 others attend universities in different cities. From my perspective, the option of leaving family to move to different cities to study has both positive and negative effects for
students
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. Living without parental interference can benefit
students
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, including freedom and personal growth.
First,
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it can generate a free lifestyle because
students
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 will avoid parental restrictions, enabling them to explore activities they may not have experienced before.
For example
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, some
students
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 can attend social events,
such
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 as late-night study sessions at coffee shops, without parental observation.
Second,
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this
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 option allows them to have the opportunity to deal with difficulties in life,
such
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 as the costs of accommodation and food, significantly sharpening their problem-solving skills and resilience.
However
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,
this
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 lifestyle has some drawbacks that need to be considered carefully.
Firstly
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, it causes a lack of emotional support. It means that
students
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 leaving their families are prone to homesickness and isolation, negatively affecting their mental health and well-being. If
this
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 situation is prolonged, it leads to depression.
For instance
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, overseas
students
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 frequently face stress
while
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 studying in another country because of the lack of sharing personal emotions.
Secondly
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,
students
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 who live without the supervision of their parents can face financial burdens because spending a significant amount on services when living in modern cities is unavoidable.
Therefore
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,
instead
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 of dedicating themselves to academics,
students
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 must work part-time to make enough financial resources to pay the cost of living, decreasing academic performance. In conclusion, I believe that
although
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 living away from family can provide
students
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 with freedom and personal growth, it can negatively affect their mental health
due to
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 financial problems and lack of sharing.

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task achievement
In the section discussing drawbacks, elaborate more on how emotional support can play a critical role in students' lives, particularly in stressful academic situations.
task achievement
Ensure that each argument is supported by a specific example. Adding more examples, like those related to financial burdens, can strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Though the essay follows a logical structure, including transitions between paragraphs will help in maximizing coherence.
task achievement
The essay effectively starts by outlining both the positive and negative aspects of living away from family, indicating a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a clear overview of the main points that will be discussed, adhering to the task properly.
coherence cohesion
Each main point is logically placed and expanded with relevant explanations.
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