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Band 4

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading things.Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.give your opinion

#people #attention
There is no doubt that these days everybody is used to
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 countless
hours
 in
front
 of
television
 screens. The
questions
Fix the agreement mistake
question
show examples
 is, are televisions impactful in our community? In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss my view and draw my personal conclusion. In terms of advantages, TVs could make our life more enjoyable. The main reason given to support
this
 claim is that lots of comedy and interesting programs like cartoons are displayed on these devices, Which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 us too
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
engaged in
front
 of televisions. To illustrate,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Tom & Jerry cartoon is a very popular funny program
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 on
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
.
In other words
, Lots of children get very happy when they see it. So, that’s why some
people
 think that
Television
 is not
such
 a big problem.
However
, TV has clear
disavantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 society.
Firstly
, a loss of
communicational
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 skills could happen
due to
 watching
television
.
In other words
, when
people
 tend to just sit in
front
 of a screen for
hours
 without talking with others, they will gradually tend to
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 their social interaction skills.
A recent
Remove the article
Recent
show examples
 research shows that teenagers who watch TV more than 2
hours
 daily suffer from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of speaking skills in
front
 of
people
.
Secondly
, Addiction is a common side effect of TVs.
This
 is because
people
 watch them for long
hours
 and still wish for more. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, If I
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 one episode of an interesting program, I will wait eagerly for other episodes or other more interesting programs. In conclusion,
although
television
 may bring
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
 bit
joy
Change preposition
of joy
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our lives, it still has dangerous effects on
people
.
Therefore
, I believe that TVs are very harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 our social and family life.
Submitted by safiahhmd on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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