IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Statement: Some people prefer to develop a large social circle, whereas others prefer to have a few close relationships. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #circle #relationships
Choosing how many friends to have might be a difficult decision everybody faces. Having large social circles is an issue which brings benefits
such
 as getting access to more opportunities,
as well as
 drawbacks including the lack of confidence within. The main advantage of belonging to big groups is the increase in chances like job offers and all kinds of information. As more people are known through the circle, the odds of finding someone who could be interested in the abilities of an individual increase. There could be,
for example
, the case where you are an English teacher and you get to a school director who is looking for a replacement. Apart from that, diversifying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social links is equally important for human development. In the way of hanging out with many others, an individual has been listening to different views of the world,
different
Correct word choice
and different
show examples
 life’s living experiences, among other teachings.
On the other hand
, the main advantage of belonging to circles with few members and close relationships is the high levels of confidence members might develop with each other. Depending on what is important,
for instance
, some can prefer to be part of groups where they feel secure about what is said or done within the circle. Usually,
this
 will be more important if one is older as friendships tend to
last
 longer.
This
 can apply
also
 to anyone who in the past has come through a bad situation and now is trying to be around people who can give them support. In conclusion, expanding the social spaces where socializing is possible allows to find windows of opportunities which could be hard to find;
however
, maintaining close relationships can enforce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
confidence in a more desirable form within the group. In my opinion, the latter option is better since finding trustworthy friends is far better than having opportunities in life since
this
 type of relationship strengthens you as a person.
Submitted by info on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Your essay addresses the topic by discussing both views on having a large social circle versus a few close relationships. Make sure to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your points more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. The logical flow of ideas is generally coherent; however, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: