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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say governments should give priority to health care, while others believe taxpayers' money should be spent on other important priorities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The debate over whether governments should prioritize funding for
healthcare
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 or
infrastructure
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 is ongoing, with valid arguments on both sides. In my view, it is essential to allocate funds equally to both sectors, as they each play a crucial role in a nation's development and well-being. The following discussion outlines the reasons for
this
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 balanced approach. Recent global events, particularly the COVID-19 pandemic, have underscored the critical need for a robust
healthcare
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 system. The pandemic exposed significant deficiencies in many countries'
healthcare
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 infrastructures, leading to tragic outcomes. Hospitals were overwhelmed, and there was a dire shortage of medical professionals and equipment.
For example
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, in numerous instances, government hospitals were unable to admit COVID-19 patients
due to
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 a lack of beds and ventilators, resulting in preventable deaths. Statistics reveal that in one region, 1450 individuals died because they couldn't access timely medical care. To mitigate
such
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 crises in the future, it is imperative that governments invest in expanding
healthcare
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 facilities and making medical education more accessible and affordable. By increasing the number of medical seats and providing scholarships, more young people will be encouraged to pursue careers in
healthcare
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, thereby strengthening the medical workforce. At the same time, investment in
infrastructure
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 is equally crucial for economic growth and societal well-being. Good roads, efficient public transportation systems, and modern
infrastructure
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 facilitate trade, enhance connectivity, and improve the
overall
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 quality of life. A study by Manhattan University found that 74% of people using metro systems over the past decade have seen significant benefits,
such
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 as reduced travel time and increased productivity, which in turn contribute to economic growth. Improved
infrastructure
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 not only supports commerce and industry but
also
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 enhances access to education and
healthcare
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 services. In conclusion, I believe that "health is wealth" and there is nothing more important than helping people have good access to doctors and other health-related aspects.
However
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, without proper connectivity and exposure, the world would face homelessness and hunger which is even worse.
Hence
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, taxpayers' money should be invested in all departments equally.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a well-balanced view and offers a comprehensive discussion of both sides of the argument. However, it could be further improved by providing more detailed examples and evidence to support your points, particularly regarding the economic benefits of infrastructure investment.
coherence and cohesion
Work on making the transitions between paragraphs slightly smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a clear and distinct main point to avoid any overlap and confusion.
coherence and cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Logical structure is evident, with each paragraph contributing to your argument.
task achievement
Task response is thorough, addressing both sides of the argument and providing your own opinion.
task achievement
Use of relevant and specific examples makes your argument more convincing.
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