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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think the main benefit of international cooperation is in protection of the environment, while others think that the main benefit is in the world business. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
There is a debate over the primary advantage of international alliances, with some arguing that its greatest benefit is environmental protection,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that its main contribution is to global commerce and economic growth. I agree with the latter view.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, international environmental agreements have played an important role in protecting the planet.
Such
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 treaties can restrict activities that cause pollution or threaten wildlife and require participating nations to take measures to reduce their environmental impact.
Consequently
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, governments have an incentive to fulfil their obligations and avoid legal or diplomatic consequences.
For example
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, the MARPOL Convention establishes international rules to prevent ships from discharging oil and other harmful substances into the sea, helping to reduce marine pollution and protect marine ecosystems.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that the economic benefits of international collaboration are more significant.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, global collaboration has a broader effect on trade and national economies. International agreements allow nations to exchange natural resources, goods and services across borders, enabling businesses to access larger markets and governments to generate revenue through exports.
This
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 foreign income can contribute to economic growth and create employment opportunities.
For instance
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, Saudi Arabia exports petroleum to countries worldwide, generating substantial foreign revenue that supports its economic development. International trade
also
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 allows countries to obtain products and services that cannot be produced domestically on the same scale.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 international cooperation has helped protect the environment through treaties regulating pollution and wildlife, I believe its contribution to global business and economic development is more substantial because it creates broader economic opportunities and generates revenue for participating nations.

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task response
You answer both views and make your own view clear. To make your ideas even stronger, explain more fully why business is the main benefit, not only a big benefit. You could show how more jobs and trade may help many people in many countries.
task response
Your examples fit your main ideas. The sea agreement is a good example. The Saudi oil example is clear, but it could be stronger if you also say how this trade helps both Saudi Arabia and the countries that buy the oil.
task response
The last part gives a clear answer. Try to avoid saying the same idea again. Add one short final reason that directly compares the two views.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow. The first main part is about the environment, and the second main part is about business. This order works very well for the task.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”. You can make the flow more natural by using fewer clear signpost words and more links inside sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one clear main idea, an explanation, and an example. In the business part, link the final point about goods not made at home more clearly to your view that business is the main benefit.
task response
You deal with both sides of the question and clearly state your own view at the start and at the end.
task response
Your ideas stay on the topic, and the examples are real and useful.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two well-planned main parts, and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well shaped: main point, reason, and example.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global
  • cooperation
  • environment
  • pollution
  • club??
  • climate
  • treaty
  • agreement
  • standards
  • policy
  • fund
  • invest
  • investment
  • jobs
  • trade
  • growth
  • business
  • company
  • market
  • cost
  • benefit
  • risk
  • balance
  • long-term
  • short-term
  • development
  • tech
  • transfer
  • knowledge
  • help
  • world
  • country
  • local
  • global
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