IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some managers encourage their staff to work better by giving them more money. To what extent do you think this policy can be effective? Can you recommend any other methods to achieve this goal?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
having been a desire for managers, have done better tasks by workers which highlighted the importance of the role of staff members in the workplace. some factors have a prominent role in order to have done work in a desirable manner. in
this
Linking Words
 ,matter someones believe that the challenges of working would be enhanced by allocating more budget to the staff members. I believe that giving funds to someone who is just seeking money can lead to discouragement. by using critical points in
this
Linking Words
 essay, leaders will be expected to be successful in / her occupation. it's a common belief that earning money is highly sweat for everyone to the extent that nearly all efforts have done to make more and more. by the way,
although
Linking Words
, grasping more income lifts the spirits of job seekers, it may not be the strongest way to serve the purpose in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 self-employed company
for example
Linking Words
. it has been seen that workers as so as receiving money, a sense of "earn what they have desired" leads to less willingness in the defined tasks. but a remarkable question is
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to what extent the entrepreneur should give
Correct article usage
a reward
show examples
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 to the workers? it seems it would be better than according to the personality and workplace atmosphere rewards should be taken
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the notice. when it comes to prospering in self-company, the importance of a powerful manager is remarkable. it means making a proper relationship with each member is critically unavoidable. knowing about personality, feelings and attitude of ones is essentially not only in the workplace but
also
Linking Words
 in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
all parts of our lives which brings unbelievable results provided that
these acquired information
Change the determiner
this acquired information
show examples
 from people be correct. the fact is that famous leaders and decent managers are in common the point of appropriate contact with people. I hold the view that to reach a desirable outcome in work created, it would be better than unforget the miracle of good communication. so, managers should have faced a problem in their work, a logical relation may be helpful. in the end, controlling the people without proper communication would be bound to fail.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: