IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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Nowadays many
people
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work
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 long
hours
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, leaving them little
time
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 for leisure activities. There are some advantages
in
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to
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this
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 situation, but
personally
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,personally
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 I feel there are more disadvantages. The advantages include the possibility of earning more money
,
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apply
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 if the employer pays overtime for extra
hours
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 worked.
This
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 can be a real bonus if someone is saving with a particular goal in mind: a holiday,
for example
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, or saving to buy a house or flat. Another advantage might be that more
time
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 spent at
work
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 enables a more thorough knowledge and understanding of the job. Some professions
such
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 as law and accountancy require familiarity with a wide range of rules and requirements and these cannot all be learned through study; they have to be leamed on the job. For younger
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people
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,people
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 there is
also
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 the sheer stimulus of being involved in something they enjoy
,
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apply
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 so that they do not object to, or count the
hours
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 they spend at
work
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. Unfortunately, if
people
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 do not have enough
time
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 to relax, there are quite major risks associated with
this
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. Health often suffers, either physically or mentally, and sometimes both. Taking
time
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 out for physical leisure activities has positive effects on health through the release of chemicals that make us feel better both physically and mentally. Other leisure activities may involve spending
time
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 with a group of
people
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, activating skills other than those used at
work
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 and
thus
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 encouraging supportive social networks. Friendships can
also
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 be weakened because of not making enough
time
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 to stay in touch, but using only a little of your free
time
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 to have a meal or go to the cinema with someone helps to maintain that friendship. Listening to your friend's problems, or talking through your own, reinforces your relationship with them, as well as
allowing
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allows
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 you to switch off mentally from the things that have been happening at
work
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.
This
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 'distancing' from
work
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 helps you to get things back into perspective and can sometimes help you to find solutions to matters that have been bothering you. Within a family
situation
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,situation
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 a partner may feel neglected 'if the other one spends long
hours
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 away at
work
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, or a child may feel neglected because mummy/daddy is never around for birthdays, school performances or a vital sports match.
This
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 lack of involvement is a major contributor to family breakdown, which in turn has wider repercussions in our society.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
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