Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can be considered negative for young people and society generally. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There are those who opine that the practice of spending too much
time
in shopping centres could be detrimental to young
people
and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
as a whole. I fully agree with
this
view. In my opinion, if youngsters spend too much
time
shopping or in
malls
, it can hurt not only their grades but
also
their financial situation because shopping requires both
time
and money. When young
people
become obsessed with shopping, they will find themselves in serious financial difficulties. If they hang out in the
malls
, they will want to buy many things even if they do not really need them. As shopping requires money, youngsters will have to find a source of income.
Consequently
, some of them may choose to
work
part-
time
or some might even quit their
studies
and
work
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
. Both are detrimental to their academic progress and career. Working part-
time
will reduce the amount of
time
they can focus on their
studies
and
thus
affect their grades. Now if they choose to quit
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
to
work
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
, they will seriously hurt their career prospects as well-paying jobs require at least a university degree. Some young
people
may choose not to
work
.
Instead
, they will get into crimes
such
as robbery. Obviously, spending excessive
time
in
malls
has a seriously negative impact on young
people
. Excessive shopping
also
affects
society
. It leads to excessive consumption which is detrimental to the environment.
Also
, when young
people
are obsessed with spending, they will fall into the debt trap.
This
is bad for
society
as well. When they cannot find enough money to fulfil their shopping goals or to pay off their debts caused by excessive shopping, youngsters may get into illegal activities like robbery, shoplifting or even smuggling. All of these have a detrimental effect on
society
. In short, shopping is good so long as it is done in moderation. If young
people
spend an excessive amount of
time
in
malls
, they will not have much
time
to focus on their
studies
and they will
also
fall into debt. Obviously,
this
hurts them
as well as
their
society
.
Submitted by akshata6.kas on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure to clearly address all aspects of the prompt, including presenting a balanced perspective where necessary.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally good, but ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly and that ideas are developed coherently.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: