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Band 7.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugar #health #people
In today’s climate, consuming sugary drinks and
foods
 has gained popularity among people. It is a widely held view that increasing the price of sugary and unhealthy
foods
 is the best solution to decrease their sales, a theory which I strongly disapprove of. The main justification why the high price of manufactured
foods
 would not be fruitful is the fact that it can provoke people to eat more.
In other words
, they would turn to luxury food and
as a result
, individuals are tempted to buy them.
Besides
, from dawn of the time, it has been seen that people’s tendency to have something which is out of reach is higher than things in access. As an example in Iran, they are willing to pay an extravagant amount of money which is higher than its actual price to have an iPhone since it is rare,
this
 is
while
 there exist a significant number of mobile phones that not only are less expensive, but
also
 have more features like Samsung.
Therefore
,
this
 method can not be effective in the long term. There are a few facts regarding the more effective ways of declining the rate of using high-sugar
foods
 rather than making them expensive. First and foremost, kids should be taught in schools about the harms and bad effects of
this
 kind of food. The more they become aware of the hazards that sugary
foods
 can bring, the less they will use them. An illustration of
this
 way is to put several examples and facts in children’s books to affect their subconscious.
Last
 but not least, companies can use lower amounts of sugar and
also
 they can use natural sweeteners like honey. What can be concluded from the discussion revolving around making expensive manufactured
foods
 with high amounts of sugar to decline its consumption is the fact that I find myself among critics who believe that it's not the right course of action.
Submitted by ashkanmlk80 on

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Try to develop your ideas more thoroughly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and several sentences that explain or support this idea with specific examples or detailed explanations.
task achievement
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that tells the reader what the paragraph will be about. This will help with the essay's overall coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to help your essay flow more naturally. This will improve your score in coherence and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure that your essay’s paragraphs are logically ordered and that there’s a clear progression of ideas from the introduction, through the body paragraphs, to the conclusion.
general advice
Review the accuracy and range of your grammatical structures and vocabulary. A wider range and more accurate use can help improve your overall score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
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