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Writing Samples
Band 7

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. Identify the possible causes of this trend, and propose some solutions you think would be effective.

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In
this
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 contemporary society, criminal cases have significantly increased in some countries, and it is known that young generations are the main actors contributing to the problems. There are three factors that stem from these challenges,
while
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 a number of solutions are remedied to overcome
this
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 motion which will be discussed in
this
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 essay. First and foremost, less educational attitudes for youths might be the first facet that leads them to engage the criminal activities. They do not have a solid foundation of knowledge regarding things that put other
people
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 in detrimental situations. Another aspect that makes young
people
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 continuously do certain things is the lack of government assistance and protection for society throughout police movements. If the regulators had a plethora
contributions
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of contributions
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 to security, youth would not be doing anything against them. The
last
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 one is financial hardship in most developing countries face as a main problem in cultivating peace and far away from harmful problems. BBC News well explains that it is challenging for young
people
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 in Indonesia to not participate in criminal activity since they have to fulfil their basic needs
such
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 as food. To alleviate
this
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 problem, creating a solid syllabus in formal education should be considered by the Ministry of Education
in particular
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 countries. It is needed to educate young
people
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 as early as possible by creating a condensed preparation for educators in formal educational systems.
Besides
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, concluding a national security regulation and multiparty regulator agencies are crucial after supporting them in the educational sector. It is paramount to make sure curriculums in formal education are in line with what the government is working on. Ultimately, doing a creativity schooling workshop gives them a special space to build a business which will end them with financial independence.
To sum up
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, the factors for the educational system and economic problems appear to be the main causes. Multifacet collaboration by authorities to reduce
this
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 is undoubtedly a necessity.

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task response
To improve task response, your essay should address the prompt more directly and specifically. Focus on deeply analyzing the causes of the increase in crime among young people, and provide more detailed, specific solutions. Aim to develop each point with clear examples and explanations.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on your essay's logical structure by ensuring your ideas flow naturally from one to the next. Use a variety of linking words effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs. Make sure your essay has clear paragraphs for introduction, main body, and conclusion, each serving its specific purpose.
task response
Support your main points with more specific and relevant examples. Instead of general statements, offer concrete examples that directly support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and your ideas more vivid to the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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