IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Task 1; The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

Task 1; The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college
The given bar charts illustrate what
UK
gradates
Correct your spelling
graduates
show examples
 and alumna did after leaving
college
Change the capitalization
College
show examples
 in 2008.
Overall
 ,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
Add an article
a destination
show examples
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
show examples
 of the
UK
 recipient have higher than
Add an article
the destination
a destination
show examples
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
show examples
 of the
UK
 alumna .
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
further
 review has the number of people
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the highest both in recipient and alum in the
UK
. Interestingly ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
voluntary
work
 has the number of people
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the lowest both graduates and postgraduates in the
UK
. Focusing on the first graph,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 shows that
29,665
Correct article usage
the 29,665
show examples
 graduate
students
 increase to
peak
Add an article
a peak
show examples
 in
further
 study. In contact,the figures
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 voluntary
work
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 only 3500 graduate
students
 .
In addition
 , part-time
work
 was higher than unemployment by 1500 graduate
students
. Turning to the
second
 graph, it shows that
further
 study was the highest at 2725 postgraduate
students
 and
further
 study was higher than part-time
work
 at 190 postgraduate
students
 which 1625 did
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the voluntary
work
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only 345
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
postgraduate
students
.
Submitted by bphonporton on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, work, students with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
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