It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business,rather than work for an employer.Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks

#aspiration #people #business #work #employer

Independence is a factor

that is

becoming stronger in our world once the opportunities for getting a job are increasing.

However

Add a comma

,However

show examples

some people say that the disadvantages of being your own boss are overbalanced

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because you will have to work harder and probably be more isolated. In

this

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

I will show why I believe the

advantages

outweigh.

Firstly

this

globalized world comes up with different ways of employment so it is fast for some

individuos

Correct your spelling

individuals

get

Fix the infinitive

to get

show examples

a new job. So, it can be noticed that people are becoming more and more entrepreneurs which is understandable since working for yourself is possible managing the business in your way and building a staff,

for example

, with your own priorities.

Moreover

, the gain of enriching experiences in various sectors

also

means there is no pressure from anyone to do the job in a certain method or at a specific time.

On the other hand

, it is remarkable that in

this

case

Add a comma

,case

show examples

you have to work harder and be responsible so everything can be done, and must deal with any problems that may appear.

However

, I believe the

advantages

outweigh since you have more freedom

consequently

, you will be able to perform your duties with much more mastery and property. Along with

this

, it is really gratifying to see your idea come to life and put

into

Correct pronoun usage

it into

show examples

practice. In conclusion, there are some disadvantages of being an entrepreneur as it is harder work itself. Whereas the

advantages

stand out one time you have more freedom for running your business,

also

the independence and a feeling of gratitude. Briefly, the

advantages

of being an entrepreneur outweigh the drawbacks.

Submitted by ana_biafernandes on Fri Apr 29 2022

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

aspiration
entrepreneur
flexibility
decision-making
financial rewards
personal fulfillment
challenges
financial risk
invested capital
cash flow
guaranteed income
work-life balance
responsibility
pressure
burnout

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