In many countries, the widespread use of the Internet has given people more freedom to work or study at home instead of travelling to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Thanks to the World Wide Web, individuals experience lower restrictions for working and studying at home rather than moving. It seems necessary for me to go into the details of
this
matter and present my reasons for believing the benefits of this
choice will outweigh the drawbacks in the long run.
The primary drawback of using the Internet
is reduced physical contact between people
. It is quite evident that humans need to communicate with together to receive happiness. Also
, people
by interaction can learn many things from each other and when they are remote from the workplace and their college, they may not share their experiences which can allow them to improve their work. In addition
, social skills in children can not develop if they study online and do not spend time
with peers. Hence
, communication with people
physically is as important as some skills.
Despite the disadvantages of using the Internet
, some people
in many countries argue the Internet
is useful for them because they would have the opportunity to save money in commuting. According to
, a considerable amount of people
’s budget is spent on transporting to workplaces and schools, so they can save their money(costs). Furthermore
, another benefit which can be taken into consideration is the saving of time
and flexibility. When people
are not required to commute to different locations, they can save time
and do more work. For example
, this
way suitable because people
do not need to wake up two hours early. Although
transport systems are developing, many cities are improving, and they are bigger and more crowded. Therefore
, people
spend a lot of time
going back and back home.
In conclusion, it seems to me that although
there would be disadvantages when the Internet
is common for people
to study and work, the advantages like saving money and time
can outbalance in the long term.Submitted by siina.arabii on
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coherence cohesion
To achieve higher scores, it would be beneficial to strengthen the logical structure by ensuring the flow of ideas is smoother throughout the essay. Using appropriate linking phrases like 'however,' 'thus,' 'in contrast,' 'moreover,' and so on, can help connect different sections and enhance coherence.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, providing more relevant and specific examples to support each point can make the argument more compelling. Try to use real-world examples or statistical data where possible. This enhances the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
task achievement
To make the essay more impactful, a greater focus on detail could be given for each discussed advantage and disadvantage. Expanding the points about social skills in children and the need for physical contact can add more depth to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Working on varying sentence structures and lengths can also enhance readability and engagement. Try mixing simple, compound, and complex sentences to maintain the reader's interest.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively present, providing a clear viewpoint and summarizing the discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, providing a balanced view.
task achievement
There is a clear attempt to support main points with explanations and examples, even though they can be further developed.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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