IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that in order to prevent illness and disease, government should make efforts in reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Government
Use synonyms
 should take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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plenty of steps to make a substantial reduction in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental concerns
such
Linking Words
 as air pollution
associating
Wrong verb form
associated
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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chronic diseases.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 could introduce an innovative law to replace
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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dated items and
approach
Fix the agreement mistake
approaches
show examples
 with innovative ones. If authorities propagated constructively using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more
Correct your spelling
eco-friendly
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eco- friendly
Correct your spelling
eco-friendly
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 items in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, we would be living in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 cleaner environment. Take automobile factories in developed counties as an example, municipal
Use synonyms
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
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 are enforcing them to replace
an electric cars
Correct the article-noun agreement
an electric car
electric cars
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 with petrol-driven ones which are emitting a huge number of pollutants into
air
Correct article usage
the air
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 daily,
therefore
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 measure can make a reduction in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of patients hospitalized for their lung illness and
also
Linking Words
 the burden on
health
Add an article
the health
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 care system.
Secondly
Linking Words
, prevention of construction nearby power station.
In other words
Linking Words
,
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
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 can make conscious efforts to hinder
to build
Change the verb form
building
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residential
Correct article usage
a residential
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region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
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next
Linking Words
 to some power
station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
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such
Linking Words
 as nuclear and electricity because of
disposal
Correct article usage
the disposal
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 of toxic waste and
creating
Replace the word
creation
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air
Change preposition
of air
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 pollution. As a consequence, these individuals are apparently prone to infection, so
regime
Correct article usage
the regime
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 should hinder to
build
Wrong verb form
building
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new
Change preposition
of new
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 construction near these places to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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chronic disease like cancer.
Finally
Linking Words
, allocating
the
Remove the article
apply
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enough budget to build an appropriate
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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 for the deprived people. Some underprivileged citizens living on the margins of society have no access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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clean water resources,
thus
Linking Words
 they are more at risk of
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
infectious illnesses. As a consequence, municipal authorities should try to secure funding to build
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suitable shelters
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 have
an
Remove the article
apply
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effortless access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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clean water resources to reduce
an
Remove the article
apply
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infection. In conclusion,
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
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 in the illness would be done by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
Correct your spelling
through
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thorough
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
 the enforcement of a new law to utilize the more environmentally friendly tools, the prevention of accommodation nearby infected places and devoting suitable facilities to less well off citizens.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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