IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below. You should write at least 150 words. Writing task 1

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below. You should write at least 150 words. Writing task 1
#minutes #show #household #expenditures #country #report #university #lecturer #information
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The pie charts illustrate the average
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
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 of
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 in a
coutry
Correct your spelling
country
 in two different years, 1950 and 2010. It clearly depicts
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the changes in expenses of different household items in these two years.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are 6 categories of household expenditures which are housing, food, health care, education, transportation, and
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
. Specifically, in 1950, the expense of housing took the largest part;
however
Linking Words
, in 2010, the majority of
money
Add an article
the money
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 was spent on food. First of all, we can observe the biggest difference
of
Change preposition
between
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Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two pie charts is that housing
shrinked
Correct your spelling
shrank
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 dramatically.
In particular
Linking Words
, people spent 72.1% of their budget on housing in 1950,
whereas
Linking Words
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 spent only 22% on housing in 2010.
Similarly
Linking Words
, people's expenses on education dropped slightly from 6.6% in 1950 to 6.3% in 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 four categories increased
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same period. The largest part was
food
Add an article
the food
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 which accounted for 34% in 2010;
however
Linking Words
, it only took 11.2% in 1950.
Next
Linking Words
, people spent 19.2% on
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 in 2010,
while
Linking Words
 it only accounted for 4.4% in 1950.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the average expense of transportation was 14% in 2010 and it was merely 3.3% in 1950.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, the budget
of
Change preposition
for
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 health care rose to 4.5% in 2010, which was only 2.4% in 1950.
Submitted by vivian.88610 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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