IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below. You should write at least 150 words. Writing task 1

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below. You should write at least 150 words. Writing task 1
#minutes #show #household #expenditures #country #report #university #lecturer #information
The pie charts illustrate the average
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
 of
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 in a
coutry
Correct your spelling
country
 in two different years, 1950 and 2010. It clearly depicts
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the changes in expenses of different household items in these two years.
Overall
, there are 6 categories of household expenditures which are housing, food, health care, education, transportation, and
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
. Specifically, in 1950, the expense of housing took the largest part;
however
, in 2010, the majority of
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 was spent on food. First of all, we can observe the biggest difference
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two pie charts is that housing
shrinked
Correct your spelling
shrank
show examples
 dramatically.
In particular
, people spent 72.1% of their budget on housing in 1950,
whereas
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 spent only 22% on housing in 2010.
Similarly
, people's expenses on education dropped slightly from 6.6% in 1950 to 6.3% in 2010.
On the other hand
,
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 four categories increased
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same period. The largest part was
food
Add an article
the food
show examples
 which accounted for 34% in 2010;
however
, it only took 11.2% in 1950.
Next
, people spent 19.2% on
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 in 2010,
while
 it only accounted for 4.4% in 1950.
Moreover
, the average expense of transportation was 14% in 2010 and it was merely 3.3% in 1950.
Last
 but not least, the budget
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 health care rose to 4.5% in 2010, which was only 2.4% in 1950.
Submitted by vivian.88610 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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