IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries proportion of older people is steadily increasing . Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on society?

#countries #proportion #people #trend #effects #society
It has been observed that in many nations the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of elderly
people
 are constantly proliferating. I
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
this
 trend
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more
reparcussions
Correct your spelling
repercussions
 on the community, which will outline in
forthcoming
Correct article usage
the forthcoming
show examples
 paragraphs with reasons and examples. To embark, there are many demerits behind rising the older generation in society.
Firstly
,
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
is significantly reduce
Change the verb form
is significantly reduced
show examples
.
This
 is to state that, aged
people
 may not able to contribute
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the work as efficiently as
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
 generation.
Also
, they may not able to adopt
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
modern technology to
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 output and performance.
Therefore
, multinational companies based on government are not able to generate good revenue.
Thus
, the financial
gowth
Correct your spelling
growth
 of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
 is impaired;
couriers
Change noun form
couriers'
courier's
show examples
 economy decline.
For example
, in the USA, senior citizens are rising in numbers, which possess a threat to the nation about financial crises.
Moreover
,
unemployment
Add an article
the unemployment
show examples
 rate is gradually
increases
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
. To elaborate on
this
, as the older
people
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 they continue with their work till later stage of lives.
As a result
, the cut-throat competition will take place in
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 market. The younger
generation
Add a verb
isgeneration
wasgeneration
show examples
 not able to find
suitable
Add an article
a suitable
show examples
job
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 in organizations.
For instance
, in
developed
Add an article
a developed
show examples
 nation, the
uk
Correct your spelling
UK
 , it is commonly seen that owning
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 many aged
people
 are continuing their
job
 in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 sixties ergo youngsters may not find vacancies. In conclusion, it can be commented that rising numbers of elderly can lead to
negatively
Correct article usage
a negatively
show examples
 impact on
Add an article
the
show examples
overall financial development of
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 and
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 competition in
Add an article
the
show examples
job
 market.
Submitted by dipendharmani786 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: