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Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree?

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In contemporary society, when people focus on more healthy that they argue about the limited age of the workforce. while there are many benefits when elders should continuously work to some extent, I still believe that older citizens should retire when they have eligible conditions. On the one hand, it is an irrefutable fact that there are some benefits for families and society when older people continue their employment .
Firstly
 , senior employees who have a long and tough time with trials and tribulations had accumulated good experience in terms of working skills
such
 as solving problems, soft skills and so on that younger can not study in of couple periods.
As a result
 , the new employees will learn knowledge from elders who master
this
 position the company will save time and cost of train and guiding the new employees.
Secondly
 , it is reducing the burden on other members of the family and the government, because they will share and pay their living costs and healthy fee. Especially, in developing countries , where governments are inadequate subsidies for impoverished people when they get old .
On the other hand
, nations still have some rules to regulate retirement for older populations who need to have rest after long and tough times working. They spend all their young life to devote in their career and being responsible for their family they deserve to have leisure time in their later times to do whatever.
Moreover
 ,
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 a change for younger folks is necessary that they will learn how obligate duties and develop the economy in their family and their country through innovations and creativities. In conclusion , depending on health conditions and the economy of individuals the senior population can work for their life
however
 younger populations and government should support to elder regarding environmental work and the kinds of duties for them .
Submitted by thuy.hong.cyc on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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